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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram shows the process of making smoked fish.

The diagram shows the process of making smoked fish.
The flow chart illustrates the way in which smoked
fish
Use synonyms
 is made.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 3 main stages and 13 steps in the whole smoked
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fish producing
Add a hyphen
fish-producing
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 process,
beginnig
Correct your spelling
beginning
 with the catching up of
Use synonyms
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 and ending with the delivery of the smoked
Use synonyms
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 to the fishshop to sell. The first
stage
Use synonyms
 is harvesting the product.
Initially
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 are caught using special equipment
such
Linking Words
 as fishing nets, and
then
Linking Words
 the
cath
Correct your spelling
catch
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 is delivered to ports by boat and unloaded there for
further
Linking Words
 processing. In the second
stage
Use synonyms
, the
fish
Use synonyms
 is delivered to the production sites, where it is frozen and thawed.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the products are placed in containers with fresh water to prepare them for being cut open.
Next,
Linking Words
the
Use synonyms
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 are cleaned of unnecessary parts and kept in salt water unless they become yellow.
This
Linking Words
stage
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 concludes with the
fish
Use synonyms
 being smoked and packed in special boxes. The final
stage
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 involves transportation, distribution, and commerce. The boxes of smoked
fish
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 are stored at a temperature of 0 degrees Celsius in special cold stores.
Then
Linking Words
, the product is transported on trucks and distributed to
fish
Use synonyms
 shops for sale.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, fishes, stage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • selection
  • high-quality
  • cleaned
  • prepared
  • smoking
  • brined
  • saltwater solution
  • preserve
  • flavor
  • texture
  • air-dried
  • moisture
  • smoker
  • wood chips
  • hickory
  • mesquite
  • impart
  • cooked
  • temperature
  • monitored
  • cooled
  • packaged
  • delicacy
  • culinary dishes
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