IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 high
sugar
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 should be more expensive in order to reduce consuming
sugar
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because
this
Linking Words
 promotes public
health
Use synonyms
 and prevents
health
Use synonyms
 issues.
Firstly
Linking Words
, expensive
food
Use synonyms
 and drink
products
Use synonyms
, which contain
high-
Correct your spelling
high sugar
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 levels, lead to
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 overconsumption of
sugar
Use synonyms
 and it impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s
health
Use synonyms
 in a good way. The problem is that more
people
Use synonyms
 prefer buying cheaper
products
Use synonyms
 and
food
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as junk
food
Use synonyms
 and fizzy drinks.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they would like to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 and drink sodas,
instead
Linking Words
 of buying groceries at the market and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 with less
sugar
Use synonyms
 by themselves, because fast
food
Use synonyms
 is cheaper than daily
products
Use synonyms
 in the markets.
For example
Linking Words
, in the USA, most
people
Use synonyms
 can refill their drinks for free several times and the amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 taken increases
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 every refilling.
Secondly
Linking Words
, eating
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 contributes to
health
Use synonyms
 issues. It causes several illnesses,
such
Linking Words
 as a bad immune system,
diabete
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 and obesity. If
people
Use synonyms
 start eating less sugary
products
Use synonyms
, it will help to prevent these diseases and influence a healthy lifestyle.
For instance
Linking Words
, because of luring
people
Use synonyms
 to eat low-cost fast
food
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from being overweight in the USA. In conclusion, many
products
Use synonyms
 contain a very high level of
sugar
Use synonyms
 and I absolutely agree with the statement provided, that expensive
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 decrease the demand for
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and make
people
Use synonyms
 healthier. It helps to increase the level of public
health
Use synonyms
 and solve a lot of
health
Use synonyms
 problems among
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
In your introduction, clearly state the main points that you will discuss in the essay. This will give the reader a road map of your argument.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea, and use topic sentences to introduce these ideas.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples and data to support your points. This makes your argument more compelling and concrete.
complete response
You provide a clear response to the task, stating your agreement and summarizing your reasons effectively.
logical structure
Your essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
supported main points
You use a well-structured argument and link ideas within and between paragraphs effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: