IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The process diagram details the steps by which liquid chocolcate is produced from cocoa beans

#process #steps #chocolcate #cocoa #beans
The flow chart shows the various stages of producing
chocolate
 from
cocoa
beans
.
Overall
, there are 10 stages in the whole
cocoa
beans
 and
chocolate producing
Add a hyphen
chocolate-producing
show examples
 process, beginning with the harvested
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cocoa
beans
 and ending with the produced liquid
chocolate
.
To begin
, the
cocoa
 comes from the
cocoa
 tree, which is grown in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
South America, Africa and Indonesia. The pods are ripe and red, they are harvested and the white
cocoa
beans
 are removed.
Following
this
,
beans
 are fermented.
Then
 they are transported by train or lorry and they are laid out
Change preposition
in
show examples
a large tray for they dry under the sun.
Next,
they are placed into large sacks and
then
 they are
delevired
Correct your spelling
delivered
 to the factory. In the subsequent stage,
beans
 are roasted at
temperature
Add an article
a temperature
show examples
 of 350 degrees, after which the
beans
 are crushed and
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
 from their outer shell.
Finally
,
inner
Correct article usage
the inner
show examples
 part
pressed
Add a missing verb
is pressed
show examples
 and the liquid
chocolate
 is produced.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay provides a clear and overall complete response to the task, it would benefit from more precise language and avoiding minor grammatical errors. For instance, 'the harvested of cocoa beans' should be 'the harvesting of cocoa beans,' and 'for they dry under the sun' should be 'for drying under the sun.'
task achievement
There are some minor grammatical and language usage errors, such as 'delevired' (delivered) and 'seperated' (separated). Proofreading for such issues will enhance the clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure, clearly detailing the 10 stages of the process in a coherent manner.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the process, which provides a good framework for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: