IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today more and more people want things instanlly (eg,… goods, service, news ). Why is this ? It is a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern era,
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming more and more busy,
thus
Linking Words
 there are presence of
instant
Use synonyms
 things. The writer believes that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of perseverance and patience which made
people
Use synonyms
 very reliant on these stuffs. It must be understood that there are many advantages of
instant
Use synonyms
 things in our life.
This
Linking Words
 is especially so if
people
Use synonyms
 are busy with work or study and need to save their time.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 became increasingly prevalent.
For example
Linking Words
 with a click of a button
people
Use synonyms
 can easily access the internet, allowing them to update the latest news or send immediate messages. Another argument worth considering is that the
instant
Use synonyms
 result makes
people
Use synonyms
 have a convenient tool.
Linking Words
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
 the community will become impatient which impacts their concentration.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 an article published in
news
Correct article usage
the news
show examples
 in
Viet Nam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
show examples
 in 2019, a survey of many students becoming lazy when they could do research easily on the internet. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 development play an important role in
people
Use synonyms
's lives in future and from that
this
Linking Words
 can improve
residents
Change noun form
residents'
resident's
show examples
 lives in many countries and help a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 in the country. In conclusion,
instant
Use synonyms
 things can save
people
Use synonyms
 work and study time.
However
Linking Words
, those who depend on the benefits can have negative consequences on their personal development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay includes relevant points about the advantages and disadvantages of instant access to goods, services, and news, demonstrating a basic understanding of the topic. However, the response could be expanded with more detailed arguments and examples to provide a comprehensive analysis. Consider discussing both sides more equally and providing concrete examples for each point.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear, and there is an overall structure to the essay. However, the logical flow between paragraphs and within sentences needs improvement. Some points are not fully elaborated and would benefit from more detailed explanations. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs can be made smoother. Use linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas clearly.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay. However, the introduction should better outline the specific points you will discuss, and the conclusion can be strengthened by summarizing the key points more clearly and decisively.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is supported by relevant specific examples and detailed explanations. This will help to demonstrate the significance of your arguments and make your essay more persuasive. Using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures can also enhance the clarity and depth of your ideas.
task achievement
You manage to address both the positive and negative aspects of instant access, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
You provide an introduction and a conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall structure, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • advent of technology
  • smartphones
  • internet
  • social media platforms
  • online shopping
  • fast-paced nature
  • modern life
  • immediate satisfaction
  • drive innovation
  • efficiency
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
  • erosion of patience
  • impulsive buying
  • shallow consumption
  • interpersonal relationships
  • unrealistic standards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: