IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more people want things instantly(e.g: goods, service, news) why is this? Is it positive or negative development ?

#people #e #g #goods #service #news #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent times, the populace has a desire to get tasks completed swiftly with some amenities.
Due to
Linking Words
 the demand of individuals immediately it may help
this
Linking Words
 country develop comprehensively in any field and quickly.
This
Linking Words
 writer will argue
that is
Linking Words
 the positive way to improve the living quality in the countries which are increased in all respects. First and foremost, the advantageous factor is that in the state-of-the-art world, human beings are increasingly in high demand and need to be multiplied quickly. It shows the convenient amenities for
people
Use synonyms
 if they need anything they want.
For instance
Linking Words
, the employee who works in the office wants something that can be eaten quickly so they need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast food to eat. So the question here is where can they buy the refreshments. The answer to
this
Linking Words
 is the convenience store near their work so they can get it just a minute's walk there. Or that the one option which is suitable in
this
Linking Words
 era of advanced internet is called application for foods
such
Linking Words
 as shoppe foods, grab, and
bee
Capitalize word
Bee
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
 with the benefits,
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
imperfectness
Correct your spelling
imperfections
show examples
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 more serious. Because of the convenience it causes
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some mental health problems
popular
Correct word choice
such
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 the problem with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overweight and leads to cardiovascular diseases. Another point of strength in
this
Linking Words
 issue is the evolutionary development of the country in various fields. In
another word
Fix the agreement mistake
other words
show examples
, it can be said that when some of the buildings are being built up with their uses like supermarkets are opened for
people
Use synonyms
 to buy goods serve for their life and it is sharply increased in import and export items so the country is expanded the market and international relations. Or the systems of networking sites nowadays are developed too much than before.
It
Correct pronoun usage
Some
show examples
 can be done some tasks replace
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human beings.
For example
Linking Words
, the applications on smart devices offer
people
Use synonyms
 a hand to book tickets for ork, cinema, flights or it can be rooms in other cities to travel. And the applications that many
people
Use synonyms
 are using are the food apps that book for
people
Use synonyms
 foods immediately. To recapitulate, in
this
Linking Words
 era of
properties
Fix the agreement mistake
property
show examples
 humans are responding the self demand and they want the amenities more quickly and instantly to save time and it is
also
Linking Words
 convenient for them of their work or effect on some fields of the countries expanded the relations of nation or international and the markets but be careful it can be increasingly eroded your health .
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the structure could be improved by refining the transitions between points and ensuring that each paragraph develops a single clear argument.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the task and attempts to address both aspects of the question. However, the arguments need to be further developed and supported with more specific and relevant examples.
task achievement
Pay attention to the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Some sentences are unclear, and ideas could be expressed more concisely and effectively. Working on sentence structure and vocabulary usage can help improve clarity.
task achievement
You have identified and addressed the main aspects of the prompt, discussing both reasons for and impacts of the desire for instant gratification.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your arguments properly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • digital platforms
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • precious commodity
  • e-commerce platforms
  • 24/7 news cycles
  • accessibility
  • consumer behavior
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • delayed gratification
  • pressure
  • advent
What to do next:
Look at other essays: