IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Today more and more people want things instantly (eg. goods, services, news) Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

#people #eg #goods #services #news #development
In modern society, many individuals
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that they want things
such
 as goods,
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 and news immediately.
This
 writer believes that
this
 is a positive development
due
Change preposition
because
show examples
 to
help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 citizens save
time
 for their work and
bringing
Wrong verb form
brings
show examples
 pragmatic elements into a worker's
schedule
. First of all, because of getting their
service
 straight away; the residents can save
time
 for the competition of other responsibilities for the rest of
day
Correct article usage
the day
show examples
.
For example
, when they have
a business travel
Remove the article
business travel
a business journey
a business trip
show examples
, they need to book a room in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 hotel so using a
service
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 can help them easily to find
good
Add an article
the good
a good
show examples
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
as well as
 help them to save
time
 for their jobs.
As a result
, they tend to feel productive and encouraged to work.
For instance
, they easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
get news or knowledge can gain anywhere
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
 by smartphone. Another argument worth considering is that
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 modern tools to have things constantly
con
Correct your spelling
can
show examples
 positively impact an employee's
schedule
.
This
 is especially so if
who
Correct pronoun usage
someone
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 children
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they need to take care of their child so
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 the
service
such
 as
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 their child to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindergarten or
hire
Wrong verb form
hiring
show examples
 a babysitter to keep an eye on their little one can help them arrange their
schedule
 thoroughly and flexibly for their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. Having flexible working hours means that collecting children from school,
spending
Correct word choice
and spending
show examples
time
 for rest
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 much easier. All in all, there are more positive elements than negative, as there are
clean
Correct your spelling
clear
show examples
 benefits to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 who want things all the
time
, including having a flexible
schedule
 and
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
time
.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Your essay would benefit from addressing more varied examples and providing a more comprehensive analysis. Try to present at least one counterargument or address potential downsides of wanting things instantly to make your argument more balanced.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on improving your sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. At times, the message can become unclear due to awkward phrasing or minor grammatical errors. Try to proofread your work or use grammar checking tools to catch these issues.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within a paragraph support this main idea. Strengthening the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs will further improve coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear context and summarizing the main points effectively.
supported main points
You provided relevant examples that connected well with your main arguments, which helps to illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: