IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries governments are interesting in new technology to deal with the public why is this happening? Do you think this is an approriate use of government money?

#countries #governments #technology #approriate #government #money
In
this
 digital' s age, new
technology
 with the ability to cope with
people
 in public is appealing to many authorities in specific countries.
Whereas
 many
people
 believe that digital systems make
people
 more rely on them and give them
distraction
Fix the agreement mistake
distractions
show examples
, I still hold to the belief that they can reduce the the need for manpower and speed up processes. The adoption of new
technology
 can improve transparency and liability. Its systems can easily track and record transactions accurately, data management, potentially reduce corruption
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and justify the initial expenditures .
This
 leads to increased trust among
people
 in government operations.
For instance
, new technologies
such
 as online services and AI can automate routine tasks which can result in substantial savings for the government. Supporting for industry may be a contributory factor for authorities to invest in new
technology
. By fostering a high-tech ecosystem, governments can attract tech companies and startups, promoting innovation and job creation in the
technology
 sector.
For instance
, many companies are using digital' s systems to classify transactions and keep databases of specific workers or expenditures without unknown leaked money
this
 can lead to sustainable growth in the future. To recapitulate, adopting new
technology
 for leaders is a reasonable choice. Because of the long-term benefits
such
 as cost savings, improved public services, and enhanced transparency can justify the initial expenditures.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Ensure consistency in technological terms, e.g., use 'digital age' instead of ' digital' s age'.
task achievement
Clarify ideas on how new technology leads to substantial savings and transparency; provide specific examples or studies.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow.
language
Refine grammar and spelling, e.g., 'more rely on them' should be 'more reliant on them'.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt with clear points on the benefits of technology.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay's viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples of technological benefits, such as online services and AI.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Efficiency
  • Cost savings
  • Automation
  • Manpower
  • Processes
  • Savings
  • Transparency
  • Accountability
  • Digital systems
  • Transactions
  • Corruption
  • Public trust
  • E-governance
  • Citizen satisfaction
  • Economic growth
  • High-tech ecosystem
  • Innovation
  • Job creation
  • Initial expenditures
  • Long-term benefits
  • Digital divide
  • Underserved areas
What to do next:
Look at other essays: