IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Today more and more people want things instantly (eg: goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

#people #eg #goods #service #news #development
In the modern era,
almost
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
people
 want to have everything immediately
such
 as
goods
,
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 and news.
This
 writer believes that
this
 is a positive development
due to
 bringing a better life for
people
. It must be understood that having many
option
Change to a plural noun
options
show examples
 to choose can positively impact the thinking of
people
.
This
 is especially so if the person has the
goods
 want to buy
such
 as sneakers, clothes and
furnitures
Change the wording
furniture
types of furniture
pieces of furniture
items of furniture
show examples
, they will have the motivation to study and work.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 the beauty of
goods
 will be
attracted
Replace the word
attractive
show examples
. Nowadays, the needs of each person increase so they want to buy to increase their attractiveness
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cosmetics and handbags. If many parents had agreed to buy
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their children
the
Change the word
their
show examples
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
goods
, they would have tried to
got
Change the verb
get
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
As a result
, the customer's needs will rise. Another argument worth considering is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
demanding
Replace the word
demand
show examples
 of
people
 to buy many
goods
. The customers trust
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the products. Many companies do everything to make the advertisements that are become more and more attractive.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the popular
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
items when worn by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 and
people
 would like to buy and cheap moment with them.
For example
, Jennie is a singer and a model
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Chanel which the global brand
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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 her image to advertise and
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 sold out immediately.
Therefore
, the advertisement will be made
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 profit for many companies by the consumption of customers with many items. In conclusion, there are more positive elements than negative as there are clear benefits to individuals who would like to buy everything.
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task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to illustrate your points clearly.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are well-supported with adequate reasons and examples.
coherence
Work on improving logical flow and transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence.
coherence
Clarify and organize ideas better to improve cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question and provides reasons for the author's opinion.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a structure.
relevant specific examples
There are a few relevant examples that help to illustrate the points being discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • advent of technology
  • smartphones
  • internet
  • social media platforms
  • online shopping
  • fast-paced nature
  • modern life
  • immediate satisfaction
  • drive innovation
  • efficiency
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
  • erosion of patience
  • impulsive buying
  • shallow consumption
  • interpersonal relationships
  • unrealistic standards
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