People today are more concerned with owning material possessions than with developing friendships and family relationships. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
People nowadays are more interested in owning material things than building strong relationships with friends and family. I agree with
this
statement because many society
only focus on busy Change to a plural noun
societies
work
every day without spending quality
time
with their relatives and have a high life standard that makes them pay expensive bills which triggers them to work
harder.
Modern people like nowadays mostly focus on work
every day and have limited time
to spend with their relatives because they are too tired after work
. Because these
limited times, some relationships with friends or family can not build stronger or even disconnected
Change preposition
of these
Moreover
, public
nowadays Correct article usage
the public
have
a high life standard because of social media trends that influence Change the verb form
has
community
to buy luxurious things to elevate their social status. Add an article
the community
Therefore
many population
push their limits to Change to a plural noun
populations
work
harder in order to collect money and pay their expensive bills. This
phenomenon leads them to juggle and have side hustle jobs which leads them to not have time
for socialising to
others.
In conclusion, Owning material things become a priority in society nowadays rather than connecting with friends and family because they have limited Change preposition
with
time
resulting from juggling jobs and they have high debt due to
high life standards.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more specific examples to support your claims. For instance, you could mention particular social media trends or statistical data on work hours and social relationships.
task achievement
Work on creating clear, comprehensive ideas by elaborating on your points. Each paragraph should ideally introduce a single idea, support it with relevant evidence or examples, and explain how it relates to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, and use linking words or phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction provides a clear roadmap of the points you will discuss. Similarly, your conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your position in a compelling way.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences seem to be cut-off or lacking in continuity. Ensure that every sentence is complete and expresses its intended idea effectively. For example, the first sentence could be written as: 'Many people today are more interested in owning material things than in building strong relationships with friends and family.'
task achievement
You have a clear position and stick to it throughout the essay, which helps in maintaining focus.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a logical introduction and conclusion, which helps organize your thoughts and arguments.
task achievement
You address the topic comprehensively, touching on multiple aspects such as work commitments and societal trends.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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