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Band 4.5

Nowsaday, lots of businesses consider making money as the top priority, so they think they do not need to be responsible with the society. To what extend, do you agree or disagree?

#nowsaday #lots #businesses #money #priority #society
Witnessing the contemporary context profit is utterly the prevalent
purposes
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purpose
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 for each
workers
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worker
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 in any working
settings
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setting
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;
however
, people believe that they are not relevant to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social obligations. As the writer of the essay, my take on the scenario is the disagreement because of the order features in the society
as well as
 consolidating the wholesome settings taxing sphere. Attempting to shed light on the instrumental traits of the social duty responsibilities, the order features
are
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apply
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completely
playing
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play
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 a fundamental role in the reinforcement of retaining the stableness of the management system from the head authorities. In the same vein, it generates the merits in laying the foundation of the credibility with the customers through contributing to our society. Take the corrupt phenomenon in Vietnam's government as the contextual instance, after the tremendous verdicts on parliament members, most of
residents
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the residents
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 were bewildered and
anticlimatic
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anticlimactic
 critically.
Besides
, there is a compelling reason as to the correlation between public responsibilities and earning money is the consolidation of the taxing contributions. To clarify, whether any firms create more profits, they have to pay more taxes
for
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in
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 exchange.
As a consequence
, governments can be capable of investing in some public amenities , so that a multitude of cooperation will have been beneficial to some extent parallel the more occupation opportunities.
For example
 , each business mostly possesses some bogus companies to evade paying tax, which leads to the repercussion as
the
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apply
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punishment. In conclusion,
although
 making money is indispensable;
nevertheless
 , being responsible to the public is
also
 the fundamental element for the intensity of profits for each
firms
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firm
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.
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task achievement
Try to present your main arguments in a clearer and more straightforward manner. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and supports it fully.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your essay logically. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that there is a logical progression of ideas. Try to use linking words more effectively.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to support your points. Make sure the examples clearly illustrate the point you are making.
coherence cohesion
Consider simplifying your language for clarity. While it's important to use a varied vocabulary, it's equally important that your ideas are clearly understood.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the topic and attempt to support it with relevant arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your discussion well.
task achievement
You attempt to provide examples to support your points, which is good practice for illustrating your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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