IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some young people are sent to prison for minor crimes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such imprisonment?

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Some minor
offenes
Correct your spelling
offences
 are punishable by prison terms. In modern times, the protection of human rights has become an important concept in the world, which is the reason for the stricter laws. In my opinion, strict law enforcement is good but sentencing young
people
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 to prison for minor offenses may be very harsh. The advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 argument will be thoroughly analysed and discussed in
this
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 essay before drawing a conclusion.
Firstly
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, on the plus side of
this
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 topic, regardless of the severity of the crime, isolating the offender from society can help the offender become aware of his or her role and deter reoffending.
For instance
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, there was a violation where a person was sentenced to imprisonment for one month for insulting others in a public place in
real
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a real
the real
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 case.
In addition
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 to isolating the perpetrators from society, they should be given employment
that is
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usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 to the community and contribute even a little to the development of the country. There are two sides to everything, there are pros, but we can't ignore the cons. In the next section will discuss the disadvantages of the above topic. Specifically,
inccarcerting
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incarcerating
 young
people
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 when they commit a crime can leave a dark mark on their fond memories of youth.
For example
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, some movies or dramas are set in prisons and life in prisons is not portrayed very well and has very sad
moment
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moments
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.
Furthemore
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Furthermore
, as
for
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far
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 as
human's
Change noun form
human
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 life
concerned
Add a missing verb
is concerned
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 time is more than important
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above
Change preposition
apply
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all things. To summarise,
people
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 can be made aware of their guilt by
to require
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requiring
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 them to participate in a charity
cambaign
Correct your spelling
campaign
instead
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 of punishing to require them with jail time for minor crimes. What is more, a comparison of the pros and cons of the above statement shows considerable advantages,
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however
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however,
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it is clear that
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 incarcerating young
people
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 is not the best way to improve the future.

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, the conclusion could be made stronger by summarizing the main points more effectively and offering a more definitive stance. Consider adding more depth to your summary to show a comprehensive understanding.
logical structure
There are a few grammatical and lexical errors throughout the essay, such as 'inccarcerting' instead of 'incarcerating' and 'as for as human's life concerned.' Make sure to proofread your essay to correct these mistakes, as they can disrupt the flow of your ideas.
supported main points
You have provided some relevant examples, like the public insult case, which help to illustrate your points. However, these examples could be more detailed and specific to make your arguments stronger. Try to include more concrete examples and develop them further.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear, but some parts of the essay could benefit from better organization and clearer transitions. For example, the transition between discussing the benefits and the drawbacks could be smoother. Make sure each paragraph flows logically into the next.
complete response
The essay addresses the task well by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of imprisoning young people for minor crimes. However, the analysis could be more balanced, with more in-depth discussion on how each point supports or detracts from the main argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction provides a clear statement of the topic and sets the context well. This helps to immediately engage the reader and set up the structure of the essay.
complete response
You have managed to present a balanced view by discussing both the pros and cons of the topic. This demonstrates your ability to see an issue from multiple perspectives.
supported main points
Your main points are distinct and relevant to the topic. This helps to maintain the focus of the essay and keeps the discussion on track.
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