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Band 5

In recent years, many small scale local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or malls to to shopping. Is it a positive or negative development?

#years #scale #shops #customers #travel #centers #malls #development
A time ago it was noticed that many unknown shops had been shut down
,
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 because buyers used to visit
malls
 or any big shopping area. I believe
this
 is a positive
development
, it has opened opportunities for employment and
also
malls
 are providing convenience to their customers. In recent times, Many small businesses are been shut down which has resulted in unemployment in our country. The recent
development
 of
malls
 has forced
people
 to be displaced from local shops and visit
malls
 for convenience, the mall offers everything in one place that's why civilians are prioritising
malls
 over
a
Correct article usage
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local
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
.
For example
: The
development
 of
malls
 in recent times
,
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 has saved transportation costs by providing everything in one place
furthermore
, which has saved the time of elite
people
. The mall allows
people
 to shop for affordable to expensive things without any inconvenience
also
 when
people
 are tired or relaxed they can enjoy watching movies and with that, they
also
allowed
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
people
 to enjoy having their favourite brand meal.
In addition
, the
development
 of
malls
 has reduced the revenue of small shops and because of that many of them shut down their operations (organisation).
This
 down has resulted high rate of unemployment, but the
development
 of
malls
 has created a variety of opportunities for employees and even for
business
 owner to shift their
business
 from roads to
malls
. In conclusion, I believe that been positive
development
 of
malls
, has resulted in small
business
 owner growing their
business
 by shifting from roads to
malls
.
Submitted by tushalk329 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. This can help improve the logical structure of the essay.
task achievement
While your essay presents a clear standpoint, it is advisable to provide more specific examples to support your ideas, which will enhance the completeness of your response.
task achievement
Work on the precision of your language use and eliminate minor errors. This will help to present clear and comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the impact of malls on smaller shops and evaluating this impact as a positive development.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position, and the conclusion successfully summarizes your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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