IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The unlimited use of cars may cause problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problems, should we discourage people to use cars? Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A controversial belief has arisen about using
cars
Use synonyms
, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is essential to reduce using them because of the various problems that they cause. In
this
Linking Words
 report, I will present some harmful
sequences
Correct your spelling
consequences
show examples
 of using them, and
then
Linking Words
 I will explain why
people
Use synonyms
 should avoid
this
Linking Words
 kind of transportation.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, depending on
cars
Use synonyms
 in day-to-day life is money-consuming, so
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
show examples
 using them is economical, helpful, and beneficial.
For example
Linking Words
, in KSA,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
petroleum is extremely expensive, so
people
Use synonyms
 started using buses
instead
Linking Words
 of their own
cars
Use synonyms
;
as a result
Linking Words
, the
atmosphare
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 there is pure, and the climate became colder compared to the antique climate in that kingdom.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they release many harmful gases
such
Linking Words
 as carbon dioxide, and these gases are the main factor for global warming
as well as
Linking Words
 other dangerous problems;
therefore
Linking Words
,
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
show examples
 using them is the ideal method to save the planet.
Moreover
Linking Words
, adapting to
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
public
Change preposition
of public
show examples
 transportation, buses, bicycles, and trains is useful, eco-friendly, and healthy. For
further
Linking Words
 explanation, many reports admit that the main reason for traffic is the huge number of automobiles, so using big
busses
Correct your spelling
buses
show examples
 that can carry a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 is an ideal solution.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, using bicycles helps to be healthy and enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fitness because it requires consuming energy in order to move, and many experts recommend fat
people
Use synonyms
 to start walking,
joggling
Correct your spelling
jogging
show examples
, or cycling
instead
Linking Words
 of relaxing in comfortable seats.
In addition
Linking Words
,
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
show examples
 using them helps the population to save their money because many
people
Use synonyms
 share on social media that a huge part of their income is spent on their
cars
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 using automobiles is easy, comfortable, relaxing, and restful, there are other, and more economical, choices
such
Linking Words
 as trains and public
transportion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 which help individuals to protect the whole planet.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Your essay presents a clear thesis and covers the essential points, but there are areas that need improvement. Try to ensure grammatical accuracy and avoid repetitive phrases to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider starting paragraphs with clear topic sentences and using a more varied vocabulary to enhance readability.
task achievement
Examples from personal knowledge and experience can be more specific. For instance, instead of just mentioning that petroleum is expensive in KSA, provide some data or a brief comparison. This adds depth and makes your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction and conclusion. Each body paragraph is well-organized with clear points.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task and managed to discuss both the problems caused by the unlimited use of cars and the potential solutions, supporting your arguments with relevant examples.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: