Some countries achieve international success by building specialized facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
In modern society, interest in
sports
has increased by citizens
not only for global Olympic sports
but also
for daily exercising. There are some people
who have claimed that the government should provide sports
facilities
for ordinary citizens
to motivate them to play sports
. This
is true; however
, I also
understand that the country
should invest money in establishing specialized facilities
to train capable athletes to promote countries
worldwide.
Firstly
, investing money in top athletes can develop and introduce our countries
internationally. If a top sports
player wins a worldwide sports
game like Olympics
or World Cup, Correct article usage
the Olympics
people
from all over the world will start to pay attention to that country
. When players who were sponsored by specialized facilities
become popular, then
they might be able to attract visitors from other countries
. What this
explains is that, for instance
, Son heong
min, who is the most famous soccer player in the world, has developed our Change the capitalization
Heong
country
's status. Even though he plays for European countries
, making good performances, a lot of people
have recognized our country
and tried to visit South Korea. For these reasons, I believe investing money to establish special buildings for sports
players seems effective at improving countries
' profits from travel and other finances.
However
, citizen's authority over sports
may be decreased which could be able to detrimental effects on society. If sports
centres are extremely geared to improving top athletes, people
may not be able to access sports
facilities
often as their quality is bad. What I am concerned about is that this
will discourage citizens
from exercising in their daily lives, which can probably affect their health. Moreover
, not providing sports
facilities
to citizens
will deprive their chances to discover sports
abilities, especially for young people
. In other words
, teenagers cannot notice their sports
talent if they don't have appropriate space for exercising. Therefore
, I believe this
can contribute to the social disparity among citizens
.
To sum up
, although
I recognize that specialized sports
centres will benefit to
not only players but Change preposition
apply
also
countries
in many views, I believe providing enough sports
buildings for citizens
seems imperative for our societal harmony. I wish all people
can
access Wrong verb form
could
to
Change preposition
apply
sports
facilities
to strength
their health and discover their hobbies.Replace the word
strengthen
Submitted by kchengii on
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task achievement
Your essay provides clear and comprehensive ideas, but there are some areas where you could be more precise. Try to expand on your ideas more thoroughly to ensure clarity. For example, explain more about how ordinary citizens benefit from general sports facilities.
task achievement
Some of the arguments in your essay need more specific examples and detailed explanations. Including more relevant specific examples can strengthen the points you make. For instance, you could mention more examples of countries or athletes benefiting from specialized facilities.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally flows well and is logically structured, but there is room for improvement in terms of the logical progression of ideas. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that all points build logically on each other.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a good conclusion, but you could add more to your conclusion to effectively summarize the points made in the essay. A stronger conclusion will leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure to your essay, making it easy to follow your arguments. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point, which helps in maintaining coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the issue and your position, which sets up the reader for what to expect in the essay.
task achievement
You support your main points with relevant examples, such as mentioning Son Heung-min, which helps to illustrate your arguments.