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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below gives the percentage of social media users by age in Jamestown in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below gives the percentage of social media users by age in Jamestown in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features. Write at least 150 words.
#percentage #media #users #age #jamestown #information #features
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The pie chart
illustrate
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illustrates
show examples
 the
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propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
promotion
 of social
media
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 consumers by
age
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 in Jamestown in 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, 13-25 and 26-35
years
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 old groups
possesse
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possess
possessed
 a larger
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propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of social
media
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 consumers.
In addition
Linking Words
, 36-
45
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45-year-old
years
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 old people utilise SNS followed as the third largest
group
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
46
Correct article usage
the 46
show examples
-55 and over 55
age
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 groups have a smaller
Use synonyms
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of social
media
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 users. Turning the
tha
Correct your spelling
the
 data
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 more detail,
13
Correct article usage
the 13
show examples
-25 and 26-35
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 have the largest social
media
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 usage, and those
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group
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groups
show examples
 have a 5% of deviation, with specific percentages being 40% and 35%, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, over 55
years
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 old people rarely use SNS and have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 smallest proportion at 2%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 36-45
years
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 old SNS users occupy
Correct article usage
a three-twentys
show examples
three-twentys
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three-twenty
three-twenties
 percentage.
In addition
Linking Words
,
46
Correct article usage
the 46
show examples
-55
age
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group
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 undergo 8% of percentages. Interestingly, the combination percentages of those two groups
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one-ten
Use synonyms
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
promotion
.
Submitted by subin12260 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words propotion, media, age, years, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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