IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

#people #individuals
Whether or not individuals are likely to depend on each other is
such
 a controversial argument. The writer believes that people tend to count on each other
due to
 several reasons
such
 as higher productivity and maintaining their networking relationship. Thanks to the development of technology,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humankind in today’s society is exposed to a variety of technological gadgets to
ultilize
Correct your spelling
utilise
 them in their daily tasks.
However
, those gadgets are not solely capable
to satisfy
Change preposition
of satisfying
show examples
 human needs in terms of productivity and efficiency.
Therefore
, human beings begin to break their tasks
in
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into
show examples
 small sections and distribute them trustfully to their peers in order to optimize the time taken.
Hence
, workers can manage to reduce their work time and spend it with their
family
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families
show examples
instead
.
Nevertheless
, many critics argue that completing a task solely is more time-effective than working in a group as
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can mitigate unnecessary procedures ,
for instance
, a meeting host or disagreement.
This
 perhaps is true to some extent,
however
, the author contends that working with other people will foster a sense of connection and belonging, thereby,
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 the quality of the product
as well as
 other social skills,
for example
, communication and presentation. It must be
acknowleged
Correct your spelling
acknowledged
 that humans are not designed to live alone on
this
 globe.
As a result
, we have developed a variety of communication skills
that is
 superior
beyond
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to
show examples
 any living
organisms
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organism
show examples
.
Therefore
, people can take advantage of
this
 networking relationship to accumulate knowledge and experience from experts and seniors.
Consequently
, complete ourselves and broaden our career opportunities. In conclusion, it is individuals’
benefits
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benefit
show examples
 to be dependent on each other as we can alleviate overwork rate and
also
 maintain advantageous
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with others.
Therefore
, we can develop one’s self and become better in a short term period.
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relevant specific examples
Adding more specific examples would make the argument stronger. Mentioning particular scenarios or studies can enhance the essay's credibility.
logical structure
Focus on ensuring the essay flows smoothly from one point to another. Using connector words and phrases can help achieve this.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to clarify main ideas with stronger topic sentences for each paragraph. This will increase clarity and help in understanding the main points more easily.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure for the reader.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported and explained.
complete response
The essay provides a full response to the task, discussing both perspectives and giving the writer's opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
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