IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Poor
people
Use synonyms
 in developing nations suffer a lot because they cannot afford the prescribed medication.
As a consequence
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, some of them have passed away from illness
that is
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 actually curable. I agree that one of the causes of
this
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 case is the unreasonable
price
Use synonyms
 of medicines.
Thus
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, drug mills should revise their products' prices to be more affordable. A
further
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 explanation of my point of view will be presented below.
Firstly
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, reducing the
price
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 of some medicines will contribute positively to
people
Use synonyms
's health. Hopefully, with lower prices, it will be much easier for them to afford the drugs they need.
For example
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,
people
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suffers
Change the verb form
suffer
show examples
 from diabetes and they need insulin. Meanwhile, to attempt daily doses of insulin, they have to sacrifice their basic needs. If
this
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 situation continues to occur, they
are
Verb problem
will
show examples
 not only suffer from diabetes but
also
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 famine. Of course, it will be more complicated. To prevent
this
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, there should be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teamwork between the related companies and
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 to enact
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 equilibrium
price
Use synonyms
that is
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 beneficial for all.
In addition
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cheaper medication should be implemented in rural areas too where
people
Use synonyms
 only have limited transportation modes to everywhere. Imagine if they should go to the city just to buy
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
medicine and the
price
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 is quite high.
For instance
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,
people
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 in my village need to travel approximately 10 km to reach the nearest clinic.
Although
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 it is far away, they have to do it, unless they want to lose their family member. It is
such
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 a devastating fact, though.
To sum up
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, drug is a primary need for everybody whether they are rich or poor.
That is
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 why we should support
the equality
Replace the word
equal
show examples
 access to medication by reducing the
price
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 of it.

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task response
Consider expanding on your examples and providing more specific details. For instance, elaborate more on how affordable medicine in rural areas can improve quality of life.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Sometimes the ideas seemed a bit scattered, particularly in the first body paragraph. Try to organize your points more logically within each paragraph.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the main idea and sets up the essay nicely.
introduction conclusion present
Strong conclusion that reiterates your stance and the key points discussed in the essay.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided, such as the need for insulin and the travel distance to clinics, effectively illustrate the points you are making.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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