IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantged background. However, others say that crime is casued by person's nature.

#people #crime #background #person #nature
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The
casued
Correct your spelling
causes
 of
crime
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a heavily studied topic in modern society. Many experts believe that
crime
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 is caused by poverty.
However
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, others believe that
crime
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 is a result of a
person
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's nature. Extensive research about these causes has not been able to produce a definite answer about the
cause
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 of
crime
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. In recent years, as the amount of
crime
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 has increased, many connections have been found between economic poverty and the probability of committing a
crime
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.
For instance
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, surveys of prison inmates have found that criminals who come from disadvantaged households are more likely to
commiit
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commit
 crimes to survive. Poor inmates report higher rates of theft and robbery than inmates who were raised in richer
household
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households
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.
This
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 shows that there is a direct relationship between poverty and
crime
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.
On the other hand
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, another factor that could explain the
cause
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 of
crime
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 is a
person
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's nature. Many psychologists have posited that a criminal's way of thinking could determine how a
person
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 behaves, which suggests that people are not free to act as they desire. In
this
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 regard, people with certain mindsets would naturally be compelled to commit
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crime
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crimes
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. Basically,
crime
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 is not a choice, so scientists must study
structure
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the structure
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 and function of a
person
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's mindset to discover the true
cause
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 of
crime
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. In conclusion, these two ideas about the
cause
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 of
crime
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 are both interesting, but since there are many people from economically disadvantaged backgrounds
that
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who
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 do not commit
crime
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. I believe that it seems more likely that a
person
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's nature could
cause
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 them to commit
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crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
.
Submitted by kimjy3329 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear response to the task by addressing both sides of the argument about the causes of crime. However, be careful with small errors, such as 'casued' which should be 'cause'. A thorough proofread could help you avoid these mistakes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points are logically structured and you have a clear introduction and conclusion. For even better cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
While you have supported your main points with some relevant examples and explanations, consider adding more specific details or statistics to strengthen your argument. Doing so will make your essay more convincing and show a deep understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your essay shows a good balance in addressing both views on the causes of crime, which demonstrates your ability to consider multiple perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes your essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economically disadvantaged
  • necessities
  • societal factors
  • external circumstances
  • criminal activities
  • intrinsic characteristics
  • personality traits
  • moral beliefs
  • psychological conditions
  • predisposed
  • personal choice
  • responsibility
  • profound impact
  • circumstances
  • attributes
  • behavior
What to do next:
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