It is universally accepted that eating too much sugar has a negative effect on people’s health. Therefore, some believe that the government should control the amount of sugar people consume. Others think that it is the responsibility of an individual to monitor their sugar intake. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The consideration of healthiness in many societies is increasing and
people
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tend to control their lifestyle and diet. One thing that has been considerating is the
consumption
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of
sugar
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which is proven to have bad effects on health. There are individuals who believe the
government
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should take
an
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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action to prevent
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from
intake
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

too much
sugar
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
However
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, there is a strong opinion that it is part of individual responsibility to have self-control. In
this
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essay, we will discuss both perspectives on the high
consumption
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of
sugar
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. On the one hand, some
people
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suggest that the
government
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should take preventive action to control
sugar
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in
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people
Change noun form
people's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets

It seems that diet may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. These actions could be implemented by educating
people
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about the normal amount of
sugar
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for daily
intake
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,
for example
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, the
government
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could advertise it on social media or television to ensure that
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

understand the impacts of higher
sugar
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

consumption
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

could be more aware of their
sugar
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

consumption
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
On the other hand
Linking Words

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, there are many societies
opine
Correct pronoun usage
that opine

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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that there is freedom of choice that belongs to anyone including what they consume.
People
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

believe that everyone should be responsible for their own health and lifestyle.
Besides
Linking Words

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, they believe that it is useless to prevent
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from consuming
sugar
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they are aware of the bad effects, if they have no self-control. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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, the
intake
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
sugar
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

depends on each individual and
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can only
give
Verb problem
raise

There may be a verb use issue here.

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awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness

If you don’t want awarness to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, everyone should have
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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self-control
apply
Wrong verb form
applied

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb apply. Consider changing it.

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for themselves,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there might still
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

people
Add a missing verb
be people

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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that
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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have not been educated about the
consumption
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
sugar
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

at
high
Add an article
a high

The noun phrase high rate seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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rate.
Due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the fact of it, it is a space that the
government
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should take to educate
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

about the normal amount of
sugar
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

intake
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

apply
Wrong verb form
applied

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb apply. Consider changing it.

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daily and let them know the impacts of high
consumption
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
sugar
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

could be a middle way of both perspectives.

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task achievement
To enhance the task achievement, you should provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will not only make your points clearer but also strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clearer and more logical structure. The transitions between ideas could be more fluid, and the arguments could be developed in a more structured manner
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and choice of words. There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can affect the clarity of your ideas. For instance, replace 'considerating' with 'considering' and 'apply' with 'be applied'. Improving accuracy will make the essay more comprehensible.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, laying a solid foundation for your essay. This makes the structure easy to follow.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the question, addressing both viewpoints and presenting your own opinion.
clarity of ideas
Your main ideas are clear and comprehensive, showing a good understanding of the topic and the relevant arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • negative effect on health
  • government control
  • sugar consumption
  • public awareness campaigns
  • excessive sugar
  • regulations
  • tax on sugary products
  • limits for sugar levels
  • manufacturers
  • accountability
  • freedom of choice
  • health implications
  • dietary habits
  • lifestyle changes
  • reading labels
  • healthier alternatives
  • self-regulation
  • personal accountability
  • external regulations
  • public health measures
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