It is universally accepted that eating too much sugar has a negative effect on people’s health. Therefore, some believe that the government should control the amount of sugar people consume. Others think that it is the responsibility of an individual to monitor their sugar intake. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
#sugar #effect #people’s #health #believe #government #control #amount #people #responsibility #intake
The consideration of healthiness in many societies is increasing and
people
tend to control their lifestyle and diet. One thing that has been considerating is the consumption
of sugar
which is proven to have bad effects on health. There are individuals who believe the government
should take an
action to prevent Correct article usage
apply
people
from intake
too much sugar
. However
, there is a strong opinion that it is part of individual responsibility to have self-control. In this
essay, we will discuss both perspectives on the high consumption
of sugar
.
On the one hand, some people
suggest that the government
should take preventive action to control sugar
in people
Change noun form
people's
diet
. These actions could be implemented by educating Fix the agreement mistake
diets
people
about the normal amount of sugar
for daily intake
, for example
, the government
could advertise it on social media or television to ensure that people
understand the impacts of higher sugar
consumption
. Thus
, people
could be more aware of their sugar
consumption
.
On the other hand
, there are many societies opine
that there is freedom of choice that belongs to anyone including what they consume. Correct pronoun usage
that opine
People
believe that everyone should be responsible for their own health and lifestyle. Besides
, they believe that it is useless to prevent people
from consuming sugar
although
they are aware of the bad effects, if they have no self-control. So that
, the Correct determiner usage
apply
intake
of sugar
depends on each individual and people
can only give
Verb problem
raise
awarness
.
Correct your spelling
awareness
To sum up
, everyone should have the
self-control Correct article usage
apply
apply
for themselves, Wrong verb form
applied
however
, there might still people
Add a missing verb
be people
that
have not been educated about the Correct pronoun usage
who
consumption
of sugar
at high
rate. Add an article
a high
Due to
the fact of it, it is a space that the government
should take to educate people
about the normal amount of sugar
intake
apply
daily and let them know the impacts of high Wrong verb form
applied
consumption
of sugar
. Thus
, this
could be a middle way of both perspectives.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To enhance the task achievement, you should provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will not only make your points clearer but also strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a clearer and more logical structure. The transitions between ideas could be more fluid, and the arguments could be developed in a more structured manner
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and choice of words. There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that can affect the clarity of your ideas. For instance, replace 'considerating' with 'considering' and 'apply' with 'be applied'. Improving accuracy will make the essay more comprehensible.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, laying a solid foundation for your essay. This makes the structure easy to follow.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the question, addressing both viewpoints and presenting your own opinion.
clarity of ideas
Your main ideas are clear and comprehensive, showing a good understanding of the topic and the relevant arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?