IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is often said that we should work to live, not live to work. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#work #points
Some individuals often
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that we should
work
 to live ,
while
 others
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 we should not live to
work
, In my opinion , we should
work
 to live
life
 and discover many things . In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will discuss two points of view . On a hand,
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
job
 is a daily happy routine , they
considre
Correct your spelling
consider
 that it is
Add an article
an
show examples
essential part and a source of spending money for their needs and
requirments
Correct your spelling
requirements
. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
, in the
middle east
Correct your spelling
Middle East
show examples
 we hear nawadays in "Independent woman" ,
this
 phrase
came
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 from women
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are planning to
work
 hard and fulfill their needs whether in travelling , shopping ... even divorced women
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 refuse any other income rather than
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
own cash income they believe that they can
work
 and live at the same time .
On the other hand
 , many people are tired from going to
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 every single day at the same time not living their
life
 , sitting
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the daily
job
 desk .
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 they believe that quitting
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 is the greatest suitable idea to live and explore
life
 .
Additionally
 , in 2006 a study was done on workers in
japan
Capitalize word
Japan
show examples
, 76% chose to
quite there
Correct your spelling
quit their
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 just to spend time with
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 families and relatives not killing
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
life
behinde
Correct your spelling
behind
 the table every day .
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion ,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some prefer
work
 to live and others live to
work
 . For
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
 a
deaily
Correct your spelling
daily
job
 is very important for every single human . Living your
hall
Correct your spelling
whole
show examples
life
 without
work
 can lead to anxiety .
Moreover
. in the future we'll all
quite
Correct your spelling
quit
show examples
ower
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
job
 after
the
Correct pronoun usage
we the
show examples
 elderliness so
lets
Replace the word
let's
let us
show examples
 enjoy
awer
Correct your spelling
our
job
 now .
Submitted by sohad_saad2005 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on building a clearer logical structure in your essay. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Further develop your main points with more detailed support and specific examples to make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Pay attention to accuracy in grammar, punctuation, and vocabulary to make your ideas clearer and more precise.
task achievement
You addressed both points of view related to the topic clearly.
task achievement
You included specific examples to support your ideas, which is good for reinforcing your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • financial stability
  • personal development
  • career advancement
  • fulfillment
  • leisure
  • self-care
  • burnout
  • stress
  • setting boundaries
  • professional success
  • personal satisfaction
  • harmonious balance
  • purpose and structure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: