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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do or do you feel children have enough education at school?

One of the most widespread
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
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 among adults is regular
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exercises
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exercise
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 and to turn it
to
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into
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 daily life. Unfortunately, factors
such
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 as lack of
time
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 and
motivation
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 influence
to
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apply
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their aim. These issues could be solved by
time
Use synonyms
 management and community which encourages the
people
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.
This
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 essay will provide more about factors which are barriers for adults and how to deal with them.
Initially
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, doing
exercises
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 is the most important part of
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person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 for health.
Due to
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 the fact that adults should care
their
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for their
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 health, regular
exercises
Use synonyms
 are recommended activity.
However
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, the other important aspects
in
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of
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 life
such
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 as work, family,
hobby
Add an article
the hobby
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 would not leave
a
Correct article usage
apply
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time
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 for
Use synonyms
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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.
Otherwise
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,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
motivation
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 to do
this
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 would be a big challenge to start. Because of the absence of like-minded
people
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 who want to start
this
Linking Words
 way together, it is difficult to get the best result.
For instance
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,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 study which was conducted by Harvard researchers illustrated that 60% of
people
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which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 want to start
the
Correct article usage
a
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 particular type of sport including doing
exercises
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,
do
Verb problem
have
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 not started yet because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
time
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 and other activities in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. It shows the main causes and issues why
people
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 postpone their aims like regular
Use synonyms
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
. Fortunately, these issues are not
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 and they have ways to deal
.
Change preposition
with.
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 The first solution is using
time
Use synonyms
 management. By separating your all day into main tasks,
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 could avoid extra
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 and could turn
exercises
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to
Change preposition
into
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 daily routine. The second option is finding communities in
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 or town for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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confidence and
motivation
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.
For example
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, different marathons and
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
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 in the morning are useful to start
the
Change the word
your
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 own
exercises
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 in future. All things considered that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 doing exercise is not difficult as could be seen. Despite the factors like
time
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 and
motivation
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, there are always ways how to deal with them. If
Use synonyms
person
Add an article
a person
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make
Change the verb form
makes
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 the decision to start, nothing will be more effective than
wish
Correct article usage
the wish
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 and aim of the
person
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure all parts of the question are answered clearly.
task achievement
You have good ideas about the importance of exercise.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • reinforce learning
  • personalized attention
  • student-to-teacher ratios
  • comprehensive coverage
  • academic and non-academic subjects
  • well-rounded development
  • address specific weaknesses
  • grade improvement
  • performance in exams
  • leisure time
  • burnout
  • educational opportunities
  • socio-economic disparity
  • over-scheduling
  • balanced approach
  • after-school programs
  • weekend tutoring
  • additional practice
  • constructive criticism
  • holistic growth
What to do next:
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