Some people believe zoos are good places for people to learn about animals. Other people believe animals belong in nature and it is wrong to keep them in zoos. What do you think? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

#people #zoos #places #animals #nature #choice

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There has been an ongoing debate about whether

animals

Use synonyms

should be in zoos so that people can learn more about

animals

Use synonyms

they

Correct word choice

if they

show examples

undeniably belong to

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

natural homes and improve their skills in hunting, fertilizing, and playing around. Personally, I believe that it is efficient to keep them in the zoo for some specific reasons.

To begin

Linking Words

with, in

this

Linking Words

modern world, cutting down trees from forests has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

increased because of the overutilization of paper.

Accordingly

Linking Words

animals

Use synonyms

are

also

Linking Words

accompanied illegally.

Furthermore

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, species that inhabit the mountains are

also

Linking Words

got

Verb problem

apply

show examples

killed illegally by a majority of hikers.

For instance

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, in Mongolia, mazaalai bears were killed by hikers several

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

because of not paying attention to their safety.

On the other hand

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, zoos play important roles in species and humanities.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, they would be fascinating places to learn and explore

animals

Use synonyms

in many ways, namely how they feed themselves, how they sleep, and how they take care of others so that we can discover what kind of same habits of

animals

Use synonyms

and

humanities do

Wrong verb form

humanity

show examples

they have.

For example

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, both calves suck their trunks like toddlers suck their

thumb

Fix the agreement mistake

thumbs

show examples

To sum up

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, I believe that keeping

animals

Use synonyms

in zoos

are

Change the verb form

show examples

wrong, but it is the safest way to conserve their lives.

Submitted by nazim200709 on Fri May 17 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a clear position on the topic, which is great. However, it is necessary to flesh out your arguments more comprehensively. Provide more detailed reasons and examples to strengthen your stance.

coherence cohesion

While your essay is generally well-structured with an introduction and conclusion, the transitions between your ideas could be smoother. Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next.

coherence cohesion

Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which is crucial for a well-rounded argument.

task achievement

You have included specific examples, like the mazaalai bears in Mongolia, which help support your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

211 words

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Some people believe zoos are good places for people to learn about animals. Other people believe animals belong in nature and it is wrong to keep them in zoos. What do you think? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

Word Count

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Vaccinating children against preventing diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous to waht extend do you agree or disagree?

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Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a work place every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

Developed countries have created many environmental problems in the world particularly in their contributions to global warming what can be done to reduce the dangers of global warming?