IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#countries #stores #development
While
 many believe that online shopping is disrupting shopping in
offline
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
 in some nations, others argue that
this
 can. The reason why I believe that the mentioned controversy will bring positive outcomes toward
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will be elaborated on in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, there are several benefits of purchasing goods online to take into account.
First,
in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of convenience,
this
 is possibly because
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 nowadays are too busy with work that it
leave
Change the verb form
leaves
show examples
 no time for them to go shopping at the
offline
store
 and yet online shopping offer free charges
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 delivery
reached
Change the verb form
to reach
show examples
 the minimum
purshase
Correct your spelling
purchase
. To illustrate, buying a skin care
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
show examples
.
Secondly
,
generally
Add a comma
generally,
show examples
 the price sales online
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 much cheaper as they can use coupons and other benefits
to use
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, unlike the
offline
store
that they
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 the costs of building for placing products.
However
, many
opponent
Change to a plural noun
opponents
show examples
 of
this
 idea might
oppose
Verb problem
argue
show examples
 that
offline
 stores will never be
subsituted evenif
Correct your spelling
substituted even if
offline
 customers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decline. To simply explain, shopping online
portray
Correct subject-verb agreement
portrays
show examples
 only
rough
Correct article usage
a rough
show examples
 idea about the products. In
this
 respect, there is
an evidence
Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
show examples
prove
Fix the infinitive
to prove
show examples
 that
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 that provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
customers
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
experience
Correct article usage
an experience
show examples
 with their service are likely to attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher sales. Take
ikea
Change the capitalization
Ikea
IKEA
show examples
,
For example
;
although
 they can buy
furnitures
Change the wording
furniture
types of furniture
pieces of furniture
items of furniture
show examples
 on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
, the clients often prefer to see the display at the
store
 rather than imagine it from the picture online. In my point of view, I rather personally argue in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of online shopping seeing that
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
provoke
Correct subject-verb agreement
provokes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition among
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 in a globalization world. To exemplify, having
online
Correct article usage
an online
show examples
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 is like a fish in an ocean where pools of
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
show examples
, only those to adapt will
survived
Change the verb form
survive
show examples
.
Hence
, online shopping
providing
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 numerous offers
such
 as sales reduction and free delivery service. In a nutshell,
although
 it is undeniable that buying things from the internet
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 gradually disrupted the market, I am of the opinion
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of online shopping outweigh its detrimental effects.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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clarity of ideas
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas. Some parts of your essay contain vague or confusing statements (e.g., 'buying a skin care products', 'business that provide the customers to experience with their service'). Make sure each sentence clearly conveys your intended meaning.
grammar spelling
Check your grammar and spelling more thoroughly. There are numerous grammatical errors and typos throughout the essay (e.g., 'subsituted', 'bussiness', 'number of peoples nowadays'). Consider proofreading your work or using grammar-checking tools.
logical structure
Enhance the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next and that your arguments are clearly distinguished. Use transition words more effectively to connect your ideas.
introduction
You have introduced the topic and clearly stated your perspective, which sets a good foundation for your essay.
balanced argument
You have identified and discussed both sides of the argument, which is key for a balanced discussion essay.
understanding of question
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the question and attempts to provide relevant examples and reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unparalleled convenience
  • remote areas
  • wide range of products
  • broad selection
  • price comparison
  • customer satisfaction
  • value for money
  • impact on local businesses
  • economic diversity
  • job losses
  • environmental implications
  • packaging waste
  • carbon emissions
  • carbon footprint
  • data privacy
  • cybersecurity
  • personal data
  • tactile shopping experience
  • immediate gratification
  • physically examined
  • robust measures
  • consumer information
What to do next:
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