In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment.

What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

In
this
present world, it is apparent that employment is something
that is
hard to get.
Moreover
,
this
kind of condition
also
happens to highly qualified graduates. It is important to analyze the cause of
this
problem and try to solve it. At least two main factors that contribute to
this
situation will be discussed and a quick-win solution will be offered. The first main factor is many companies are facing financial challenges
due to
the highly competitive market.
For instance
, a lot of startups still need to burn money for marketing to maintain their existence. Unfortunately, a company needs to be profitable and for sure investor do not like their money to be spent without certainty of getting returns and profits.
Therefore
, corporations will try to maintain their financial performance by spending on activities with clear and instant results, like marketing campaigns, and avoid long-term investments, like hiring people, which still need to be nurtured. Another major cause would be the lack of an entrepreneurship mindset.
For example
, numerous parents still trying to preserve the same pattern of raising their children by fighting to accommodate the best and highest education,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
in the end they are hoping for their child to work in a well-paid industry. Sadly, human resources needed by any organization are limited in nature.
Thus
, a person coming out from
this
kind of journey will keep waiting for employment opportunities, without any bravery to start a business
instead
. To summarise, it is just a matter of supply and demand that leads to
this
unemployment condition. Clearly, the difficult conditions of many companies have forced them to postpone hiring,
while
a lot of graduates keep waiting for vacant positions, without knowing any alternatives to be done.
Finally
, highly qualified graduates should try to pursue a new role as entrepreneurs, which in the end will open up new employment opportunities for others.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay reasonably addresses the task, but additional depth and detail could provide more clarity and strengthen the arguments.
task achievement
Ideas are generally clear, but could be more effectively organized for better comprehension. Ensure each main point is fully supported with relevant examples to enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your paragraphs in a way that each contains a single main idea followed by supporting evidence and examples. This would improve logical flow and readability.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, transitional phrases could be used more effectively to guide the reader through the arguments. This would tighten the overall coherence and cohesion.
structure
The essay includes a clear introduction and a thoughtful conclusion that summarizes the main points succinctly.
content
The essay addresses the topic by identifying relevant factors and proposing a plausible solution, indicating a good understanding of the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: