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Band 4.5

Life was better when technology was simpler. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#life #technology
It is argued that our lives were more
fullfilling
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fulfilling
 when technology was less complex. I completely agree with
this
 statement and believe that technology has made life much
complicated
Correct quantifier usage
more complicated
show examples
 because
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 spreads huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of negative information and there is less interaction
face
 to
face
. The
World wide
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Worldwide
show examples
 net has provided
acess
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access
 to useful info,
otherwhile
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while
spreading
Correct article usage
the spreading
show examples
 of negatory data increased rapidly.
Altough
Correct your spelling
Although
,
this
 fact influences
on
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apply
show examples
children's
mind
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minds
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 badly and has very destructive
consequnses
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consequences
.
For example
, during
researching
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research
show examples
was made
Wrong verb form
done
show examples
 by Google
in
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
last
 year, the average of criminal cases among girls aged
uder
Correct your spelling
under
 15
consist
Wrong verb form
consisted
show examples
18
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of 18
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%,
whereas
 statistics
of
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from
show examples
 1998 showed just 9%.
Due
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According
show examples
 to specialists,
that is
 the most common reason
of
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for
show examples
 junk spreading information
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media.
However
, YouTube, Facebook, WhatsApp and other companies are fighting for their customer's caution.
As a
result
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result,
show examples
 there is
less
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fewer
show examples
 and
less hostel
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer hostels
show examples
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
. It seems to me that
tradional
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traditional
 nets of cooperation are
loosing
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losing
show examples
 their relevance,
instead
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instead,
show examples
 we can see only
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
 efforts of modern communication.
For instance
, the amount of teenagers who don't know how to speak with each other without
devises
Replace the word
devices
show examples
 is 32%,
according to
 the 2021
researching
Change the form of the verb
research
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Michigan State University.
For
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion,
this
 fact is not acceptable and
situation
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the situation
show examples
 needs
changes
Correct subject-verb agreement
change
show examples
.
Finally
, I believe that life has been greatly
tecnological
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technological
 advancements in bad terms, particularly spreading of the
prohibitated
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prohibited
 info and the no chance for
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
 intercourse. Unless
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to keep
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between new
tecnologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 and conservative communication bad consequences will occur.
Submitted by interclass1982 on

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complete response
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear stance. However, ensure every paragraph stays strictly focused on your main argument to enhance clarity and effectiveness.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are generally clear but could benefit from more precise language and less repetition. Try to articulate your points more succinctly.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided are relevant but could be more specific and detailed to better support your arguments. Try to draw from a variety of sources or hypothetical scenarios.
logical structure
Work on your logical structure. Use more signposting language and transition words to ensure your essay flows seamlessly from one idea to the next.
introduction conclusion present
While you introduced and concluded the essay well, ensure that your introduction provides a concise road map for your essay, and your conclusion summarizes your key points effectively.
supported main points
Support your main points with stronger evidence and examples. Ensure each paragraph contributes uniquely to your argument.
complete response
You have taken a clear position on the topic early in the essay, which makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
relevant specific examples
Your effort to provide statistics and research findings to support your argument is commendable.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively underscores the main argument without introducing new information, guiding the reader to a satisfying end.
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