Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is a discussion that, nowadays,

people

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are living longer rather than before. Some problems appear from those phenomena.

This

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essay will explore both the advantages and disadvantages of these issues. On the one hand, one of the advantages of an ageing population is the wealth of experience and basic knowledge that older

people

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can bring to society. All of them possess valuable skills and experiences that accumulated over their lifeways which can

Unnecessary verb

apply

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assist young

people

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for

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their future.

Furthermore

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, older

people

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can contribute to communities in various ways,

such

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as providing mentorship and guidance for younger generations.

For example

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, ageing

people

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can assist young

people

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when they face some problems that

seems

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seem

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are

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apply

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impossible to solve.

This

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is because they have wisdom over experiences in their past.

On the other hand

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this

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phenomenon comes with drawbacks and challenges. They can be a burden on the government budget. The reason is, that they still have a right to get health insurance but they

Verb problem

are

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not productive anymore for their country.

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, the government must charge more to the younger communities in productive age to support the older generations by paying

the

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apply

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higher taxes.

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challenge will affect the economy of the nation massively if the government do not take any action seriously. In conclusion,

while

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there are benefits of

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apply

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ageing

people

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in terms of experiences, the drawbacks related to healthcare budget and economic

affects

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effects

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cannot be ignored. I personally believe that the disadvantages will dominate the benefits.

Submitted by raymond.sebastianvl on Fri May 17 2024

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task achievement

To achieve a higher score, refine the introduction by clearly stating your position. This will improve the clarity of your argument.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the essay’s coherence by ensuring seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This can be done by using more connectors and linking words.

coherence cohesion

Improve some sentences for better clarity. For example, "they do not productive anymore" should be "they are no longer productive" for better readability.

task achievement

Use more specific examples and deep analyses to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.

task achievement

The essay clearly addresses both advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, showcasing a balanced view.

coherence cohesion

The essay structure is logical, with clear paragraphs dedicated to different points.

task achievement

The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and presents a personal viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

250 words

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Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Crime is a big problem in the world: many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. To wahat extent do you agree or disagree?

Scientists believe that in order to protect the environment, people must use less energy in their daily lives. However, most people have not changed the way they live. Why do you think many people have not taken individual action? What could be done to encourage them to take action?

The plans below show a small theater in 2010, and the same theater in 2012.

Nowadays,people are choosing to socialise online rather than face-to-face. Is this a positive or negative development

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does the shortage of fresh water cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems?