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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #attention
One point of view supports that advertising persuades us to buy products and services
while
,the other says
people
don’t
 pay attention to
ads
,as most
ads
 are not of use and we see them everywhere.
This
 essay will argue
although
people
 ignore advertising,which is not in use and appears everywhere,I believe that the advertising market is improving day by day and it encourages us to buy even those things ,which are not in use. One side of
people
 says that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Change the determiner
this ad
these ads
show examples
ads
 are not of purpose and seem boring.
For example
,if I see an ad on YouTube video about any product or service which I
don’t
 like so whenever I watch that ad I will feel bored.In our country Pakistan here ad watch a minimum time is 4-5sec so
people
 get bored of
such
ads
,which are common and boring.
On the other hand
,we notice that
advertising
Correct article usage
the advertising
show examples
 industry is growing daily and marketers are using several new ways to sell their products.
For example
,one of my
friend
Change to a plural noun
friends
show examples
 is using
Facebook
Add an article
the Facebook
show examples
 platform to run his advertisement
hence
,he used a proper scheme or targeted proper regions where he
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to sell,and he
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 a lot of profit from there.So
due to
 his effective marketing the ones who
don’t
 want to buy
also
 buy his product. In conclusion, I state that
due to
 common and boring advertising
people
 are not interested in watching it
however
,so
people
 think that
this
 field is
also
 growing rapidly as it makes minds of
people
 to buy things which even they
don’t
 need.I strongly believe that
this
 market has a great role in the sale of products and services
Submitted by sammama250 on

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practical
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor errors in punctuation, space, and grammar to improve readability.
practical
Try to develop each point further with more detailed and varied examples to make your arguments stronger.
practical
Aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance your writing style.
achievement
You have addressed both views and provided your own opinion, which shows good understanding of the task.
structure
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, helping readers follow your argument.
support
You have used a real-life example to support your argument, which adds relevance and depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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