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Band 5

Some people believe that scientists have the greatest influence on the world. Other people think that the influence of politicians is greater. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #scientists #influence #world #politicians
There have been arguments that people in scientific fields hold the largest impact on the
world
,
whereas
 many believe that the political people's influence is much greater. In my opinion,
although
 the advance in the fields of science brings about influential developments that could affect other's
lives
, it is those who work in politics who have the power to affect the way the
world
 functions. it is inevitable that nowadays mankind relies heavily on novel scientific discoveries and development. In fact,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast-growing technology has helped our
lives
 to become more comfortable and our work more efficient. To name a few, we now can travel across large distances in
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 matter of hours, and with the help of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artificial
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
, people can do better work
such
 as designs and calculations using
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 resources.
Hence
, it is reasonable to claim the role of science in influencing our
world
.
However
, if we look closely on the structure of our government and society, we can see how significantly the politicians are affecting our daily
lives
. Indeed, the policy makers are
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
 we do on a worldwide scale. We will look into the case of the US
president
Replace the word
presidential
show examples
 election as an example. When Trump got elected
last
 time, the Forex market experienced a sudden drop, and the price of petroleum and gold
also
 got affected. It affected the developing countries in
a
Correct quantifier usage
such a
show examples
way that the cost of resources suddenly rose and business was taken by surprise.
As a result
, it is
clearly
Change the word
clear
show examples
 that any change politically will have a greater impact on the
world
. In conclusion,
althous
Correct your spelling
although
 it is
indispensible
Correct your spelling
indispensable
 that science plays
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 fundamental part in our daily
lives
, it is the action of those who are in charge
policially
Correct your spelling
politically
 really creates
cardinal
Add an article
a cardinal
show examples
 effect on everyone on an international scale.
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on

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task achievement
Although the essay provides a clear stance, develop the points further to provide a more comprehensive response. Expanding on how scientific advancements shape policy decisions might strengthen the analysis.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing sentences more logically. Each paragraph should ideally follow one main idea that smoothly leads to the next. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be more evident.
coherence cohesion
Fix minor grammatical errors, such as capitalization and punctuation, to enhance readability. For instance, 'it is inevitable that' should start with a capital letter.
coherence cohesion
Improve word choices and sentence structures to be more precise and formal. For example, 'artificial intelligent' should be 'artificial intelligence', and 'it is clearly that' should be 'it is clear that'.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction does a good job in framing the debate and presenting the writer's opinion clearly.
relevant specific examples
The essay uses relevant specific examples, like the US presidential election, to support the arguments.
logical structure
There is a logical flow to how the arguments are presented, particularly in distinguishing the impacts of scientists and politicians.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovations
  • breakthroughs
  • unprecedented
  • dynamic
  • technological advancements
  • legislation
  • diplomacy
  • socioeconomic policies
  • geopolitical
  • benchmark
What to do next:
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