advnces technology and automation have reduce the need for manual labour To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Technology
is flourishing in leaps and bounds in every field and
therefore
, there has been a constant decline in
man power
Correct your spelling
manpower
show examples
. It is an undeniable fact that robots are replacing humans. I will discuss the effect of
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
statement
conclude
Correct word choice
and conclude
show examples
my opinion in the following passages. To embark on, I believe that
technology
runs today's World irrespective of the nature of the job. Right from IT sectors, Automotive companies, Hospitals,
Government
Fix the agreement mistake
Governments
show examples
,
etc
Add a comma
etc,
show examples
all rely on modern
technology
and other automatic systems.
For example
, Studies shown by Hyundai in 2022 depicted that they were able to assemble 3000 cars in 30 days because of robotic assemblers which would have taken at least 3 months if done by humans.
Also
,
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
Government is transitioning into
digital
Add an article
a digital
show examples
nation where
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
all documents are available online and with one click away. Anything can be applied
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online,
for instance
,
last
week
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
applied for my license through
online
Add an article
an online
the online
show examples
portal and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
was able to get them within 2 days which would have not been possible if
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
did not exist.
However
,
on the contrary
, it is
also
a hindrance for many because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
job opportunities are
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the verge of decline. Every year more and more individuals are losing their livelihood since their jobs are seized by electronic devices. Their financial stability is jeopardized. To exemplify,
survey
Add an article
a survey
the survey
show examples
done by Job's website shows that 72% of people in China are replaced by computers and other robotic devices and they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
faced with unemployment. All in all, the reality of today's world is that we all are dependent on
technology
,
such
as phones, laptops, etc..It is an inevitable part of our life and there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
no two ways about it.
Submitted by u.umayal92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay presents a clear position, but ensure that each main point is fully developed and clear. For instance, your second body paragraph could benefit from more detailed discussion on the impact of job loss due to automation.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is quite well organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the transition between ideas can be smoother. Use more linking words and phrases to connect your paragraphs and ideas seamlessly.
task response
You have chosen relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as the Hyundai study and the online government services in India.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the context and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: