Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Several processed food and beverage products have been known
contain
high amounts of glucose, which in Fix the infinitive
to contain
return
deteriorate the medical state of humans. Replace the word
turn
However
, there is contention over whether their prices should be increased in order to discourage their consumption. I personally believe that Linking Words
such
harmful produce should be made less affordable as not only will Linking Words
this
encourage consumers to look for Linking Words
further
, healthier alternatives, but it Linking Words
also
has the potential to Linking Words
decrease
the frequency at which they intake Use synonyms
such
damaging items.
Linking Words
To begin
with, one key advantage Linking Words
with
a substantially increased cost is that it will encourage customers to search for cheaper substitutes, as opposed to continuing Change preposition
of
relying
on Change the verb form
to rely
the
unhealthier products. Correct article usage
apply
Consequently
, Linking Words
this
will Linking Words
therefore
Linking Words
decrease
the quantity of sugar-containing substances they consume Use synonyms
such
as Sodas or Ice Cream on a common basis when the government artificially lowers the Linking Words
price
. Use synonyms
This
will in return Linking Words
decrease
their average blood sugar levels, which are associated Use synonyms
to reduce
the risk of some of the most long-lasting, damaging and common health issues which derive from high quantities of sucrose intake Change preposition
with reducing
such
as Diabetes or in most grave instances, Heart Attacks. It is Linking Words
therefore
unsurprising that Linking Words
such
policies are becoming more and more enforced on Linking Words
worldwide
level. Add an article
a worldwide
the worldwide
This
is already being done and has been propagated in the United Kingdom, where a ‘Sugar Tax’ Linking Words
has been
introduced not so long ago on sugary drinks Wrong verb form
was
such
as Fanta, Sprite or Linking Words
Coca Cola
. Add a hyphen
Coca-Cola
Hence
, if imposed effectively, it is my notion that higher payments for Linking Words
such
manufactured consumer durables will significantly improve the physical Linking Words
wellbeing
of the Correct your spelling
well-being
overall
populationLinking Words
,
since they become more incentivised to look for healthier, sugar-free alternatives.
Remove the comma
apply
Similarly
, Linking Words
such
a noticeable change in the pricing will Linking Words
decrease
the frequency at which people purchase sucrose-filled durables. In the presence of Use synonyms
such
a difference, Linking Words
although
those demanding Linking Words
such
goods will likely remain addicted Linking Words
in contrast
to if they were banned altogether, in the long term, they will become more disincentivised to consume them. Linking Words
This
is because as the Linking Words
price
rises, over time the total annual proportion of their income Use synonyms
which
they spent on Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
health deteriorating produce Linking Words
such
as Brownies or Candy will increase, which will Linking Words
as a result
encourage them to spend it more productively on other, healthier activities like on sports Linking Words
such
as Boxing. To exemplify Linking Words
this
, a higher Linking Words
price
has Use synonyms
also
been implemented in San Francisco, California, where sellers now charge twice or even triple as much in comparison to previous times for sweetened drinks Linking Words
such
as ‘Powerade.’ Linking Words
By contrast
, without Linking Words
such
government Linking Words
legislations
, buyers would continue having Fix the agreement mistake
legislation
a
greater financial accessibility to Remove the article
apply
such
manufactured sugary refreshments. Linking Words
This
is why I firmly believe that Linking Words
wellbeing
issues can be overcome through Correct your spelling
well-being
such
policies, despite the potential discontent among buyers Linking Words
ovee
the added surcharge.
In conclusion, whilst there may be certain discontent and disarray by those Correct your spelling
over
acccostumed
to in taking sugar-filled nourishments and refreshments, I would personally agree that they should be set a higher Correct your spelling
accustomed
price
because not only will Use synonyms
this
actively encourage buyers to look for healthier alternatives, but will Linking Words
also
Linking Words
decrease
the extent at which they buy Use synonyms
such
unhealthy products.Linking Words
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general
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and provides relevant examples to support the main points. However, there are areas where clarity can be improved, such as the choice of vocabulary and sentence structure. Some sentences are overly complex and could be simplified for better readability. Additionally, ensuring a more concise conclusion that ties all points together more cohesively would strengthen the essay further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly conveys a single main idea. Simplify complex sentences to make them easier to understand and avoid ambiguity. Focus on using precise vocabulary that accurately conveys your thoughts without overcomplicating the message.
task achievement
While the argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples, some points can be expanded for clarity. For instance, explain the mechanisms by which higher costs lead to reduced consumption in a bit more detail. This helps in making the overall response even more comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay unquestionably provides relevant examples to support its main arguments, making it an effective and convincing read.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is commendable. Each point is addressed in a structured manner, contributing to the overall cohesion of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame the essay's main argument.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.