Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Several processed food and beverage products have been known
contain
high amounts of glucose, which in Fix the infinitive
to contain
return
deteriorate the medical state of humans. Replace the word
turn
However
, there is contention over whether their prices should be increased in order to discourage their consumption. I personally believe that such
harmful produce should be made less affordable as not only will this
encourage consumers to look for further
, healthier alternatives, but it also
has the potential to decrease
the frequency at which they intake such
damaging items.
To begin
with, one key advantage with
a substantially increased cost is that it will encourage customers to search for cheaper substitutes, as opposed to continuing Change preposition
of
relying
on Change the verb form
to rely
the
unhealthier products. Correct article usage
apply
Consequently
, this
will therefore
decrease
the quantity of sugar-containing substances they consume such
as Sodas or Ice Cream on a common basis when the government artificially lowers the price
. This
will in return decrease
their average blood sugar levels, which are associated to reduce
the risk of some of the most long-lasting, damaging and common health issues which derive from high quantities of sucrose intake Change preposition
with reducing
such
as Diabetes or in most grave instances, Heart Attacks. It is therefore
unsurprising that such
policies are becoming more and more enforced on worldwide
level. Add an article
a worldwide
the worldwide
This
is already being done and has been propagated in the United Kingdom, where a ‘Sugar Tax’ has been
introduced not so long ago on sugary drinks Wrong verb form
was
such
as Fanta, Sprite or Coca Cola
. Add a hyphen
Coca-Cola
Hence
, if imposed effectively, it is my notion that higher payments for such
manufactured consumer durables will significantly improve the physical wellbeing
of the Correct your spelling
well-being
overall
population,
since they become more incentivised to look for healthier, sugar-free alternatives.
Remove the comma
apply
Similarly
, such
a noticeable change in the pricing will decrease
the frequency at which people purchase sucrose-filled durables. In the presence of such
a difference, although
those demanding such
goods will likely remain addicted in contrast
to if they were banned altogether, in the long term, they will become more disincentivised to consume them. This
is because as the price
rises, over time the total annual proportion of their income which
they spent on Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
health deteriorating produce such
as Brownies or Candy will increase, which will as a result
encourage them to spend it more productively on other, healthier activities like on sports such
as Boxing. To exemplify this
, a higher price
has also
been implemented in San Francisco, California, where sellers now charge twice or even triple as much in comparison to previous times for sweetened drinks such
as ‘Powerade.’ By contrast
, without such
government legislations
, buyers would continue having Fix the agreement mistake
legislation
a
greater financial accessibility to Remove the article
apply
such
manufactured sugary refreshments. This
is why I firmly believe that wellbeing
issues can be overcome through Correct your spelling
well-being
such
policies, despite the potential discontent among buyers ovee
the added surcharge.
In conclusion, whilst there may be certain discontent and disarray by those Correct your spelling
over
acccostumed
to in taking sugar-filled nourishments and refreshments, I would personally agree that they should be set a higher Correct your spelling
accustomed
price
because not only will this
actively encourage buyers to look for healthier alternatives, but will also
decrease
the extent at which they buy such
unhealthy products.Submitted by nejla.abdullayeva on
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general
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and provides relevant examples to support the main points. However, there are areas where clarity can be improved, such as the choice of vocabulary and sentence structure. Some sentences are overly complex and could be simplified for better readability. Additionally, ensuring a more concise conclusion that ties all points together more cohesively would strengthen the essay further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly conveys a single main idea. Simplify complex sentences to make them easier to understand and avoid ambiguity. Focus on using precise vocabulary that accurately conveys your thoughts without overcomplicating the message.
task achievement
While the argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples, some points can be expanded for clarity. For instance, explain the mechanisms by which higher costs lead to reduced consumption in a bit more detail. This helps in making the overall response even more comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay unquestionably provides relevant examples to support its main arguments, making it an effective and convincing read.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is commendable. Each point is addressed in a structured manner, contributing to the overall cohesion of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame the essay's main argument.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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