IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
#show #sales #sectors #zealand
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The supplied bar charts indicate the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 in online websites in various parts
in
Change preposition
of
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 New
Zealand
Use synonyms
 over a decade. It can be clearly seen that people
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to spend their money on online
shops
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 for
travel
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 much more than some other
retails
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retailers
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 in 2003.
However
Linking Words
,in 2013 the average of money which was spent in web
shops
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 for film and music was the highest
amount
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 in New
Zealand
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. In 2003,people paid their income in digital markets for
travel
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 and clothes,respectively 36% and 24% in New
Zealand
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.(Which
travel
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 was the highest average over the whole year).Interestingly a third percentage of
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 for online
shops
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 was film and music in New
Zealand
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 in 2013.After
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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,
this
Linking Words
amount
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 was 29% for
travel
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 in 2013.
In contrast
Linking Words
,the proportion of
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 of digital
shops
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 for film and music was slightly more than books with 21% and 19% in New
Zealand
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 in 2003.
Moreover
Linking Words
,in 2013,nearly a quarter of sales in online stores
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 for books in New
Zealand
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.
Following
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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 a tiny fraction of
Use synonyms
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 in internet markets was for clothes roughly 16% in New
Zealand
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 in 2013 and was the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 over the period.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, sale, zealand, shops, travel with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Comparative analysis
  • E-commerce
  • Retail sectors
  • Growth rate
  • Decade
  • Decline
  • Trends
  • Online transactions
  • Consumer behavior
  • Market share
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Digital era
  • Accessibility
  • User-friendly platform
  • Market dynamics
  • Predictive outlook
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