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Band 5.5

Many elderly are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages

#families #care #homes
Nowadays elderly
care
 and nursing homes are becoming more popular than ever.
Although
 many
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that
this
 trend has drawbacks, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. It is undeniable that when
people
 get older they need to be taken
care
 of by someone else and are no longer able to complete
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 everyday tasks on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own
due to
 the physical
health
detirioration
Correct your spelling
deterioration
 caused by
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
.
This
 special
care
 is best provided by experts
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are familiar with these needs and would improve the elderly quality of life.
Furthermore
, these specialized
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 are known to offer a comfortable place
as well as
 a better social environment.
Hence
,
people
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the same age are grouped in the same location,
thus
, they may share the same interests and
chances
Correct pronoun usage
their chances
show examples
 of making friends are much better than anywhere else.
Alsothe
Correct your spelling
Also the
 availability of
health
care
 is another plus for living in a
care
 home since medical services
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 offered on the spot to monitor their
health
 and deal with any
health
 issue emergency.
On the other hand
,
this
 measure might be previewed as a cruel action and would blame the families of old
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are sending them to
care
 homes.
This
 is because they believe that the elderly should be shown respect and
appreatiation
Correct your spelling
appreciation
 through being attentive to serve them and meet their needs. Another possible con is that some older
people
 might be attached to their children and
grand children
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
show examples
 where keeping them away would only make them feel sad and unwanted. In conclusion,
care
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
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benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
benefit
exceeds
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exceed
show examples
 the downsides from my point of view. It provides a suitable atmosphere for the older generation to
socials
Replace the word
socialise
show examples
 with
like minded
Add a hyphen
like-minded
show examples
people
 and make new friends
in addition
 to the
health
care
 provided around the clock.
Submitted by shaikha.alsaif4 on

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language
Work on avoiding minor grammatical errors and ensure correct spelling to enhance readability. For instance, 'thier' should be 'their' and 'benifits' should be 'benefits'.
content development
Provide more specific examples to support your points further. This would strengthen your argument and demonstrate more depth in your response.
structure
The essay has a clear and effective introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion well.
structure
The main points are supported and logically ordered, ensuring that the argument flows convincingly.
content
The response is comprehensive and addresses both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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