IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many elderly are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages

#families #care #homes
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Nowadays elderly
care
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 and nursing homes are becoming more popular than ever.
Although
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 many
thinks
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think
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 that
this
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 trend has drawbacks, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. It is undeniable that when
people
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 get older they need to be taken
care
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 of by someone else and are no longer able to complete
thier
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their
 everyday tasks on
thier
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their
 own
due to
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 the physical
health
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detirioration
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deterioration
 caused by
aging
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ageing
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.
This
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 special
care
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 is best provided by experts
that
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who
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 are familiar with these needs and would improve the elderly quality of life.
Furthermore
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, these specialized
centers
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centres
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 are known to offer a comfortable place
as well as
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 a better social environment.
Hence
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,
people
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from
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of
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 the same age are grouped in the same location,
thus
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, they may share the same interests and
chances
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their chances
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 of making friends are much better than anywhere else.
Alsothe
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Also the
 availability of
health
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care
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 is another plus for living in a
care
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 home since medical services
is
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are
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 offered on the spot to monitor their
health
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 and deal with any
health
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 issue emergency.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 measure might be previewed as a cruel action and would blame the families of old
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are sending them to
care
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 homes.
This
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 is because they believe that the elderly should be shown respect and
appreatiation
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appreciation
 through being attentive to serve them and meet their needs. Another possible con is that some older
people
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 might be attached to their children and
grand children
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grandchildren
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 where keeping them away would only make them feel sad and unwanted. In conclusion,
care
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homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
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benifits
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benefits
benefit
exceeds
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exceed
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 the downsides from my point of view. It provides a suitable atmosphere for the older generation to
socials
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socialise
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 with
like minded
Add a hyphen
like-minded
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people
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 and make new friends
in addition
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 to the
health
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care
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 provided around the clock.
Submitted by shaikha.alsaif4 on

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language
Work on avoiding minor grammatical errors and ensure correct spelling to enhance readability. For instance, 'thier' should be 'their' and 'benifits' should be 'benefits'.
content development
Provide more specific examples to support your points further. This would strengthen your argument and demonstrate more depth in your response.
structure
The essay has a clear and effective introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion well.
structure
The main points are supported and logically ordered, ensuring that the argument flows convincingly.
content
The response is comprehensive and addresses both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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