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Band 2.5

In some countries, the number of shootings increase becausee many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #shootings #becausee #people #guns #home
in many nations,
criminal based
Add a hyphen
criminal-based
show examples
 guns
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 increased significantly. I am
on
Change preposition
of
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 the opinion that guns should be illegal for people. I
complitery
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with
this
 since it does not
assiciated
Correct your spelling
associated
associate
 with security reasons.
To begin
 with, the major problem
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 having a
gun
 is that it can lead to
commit
Change the verb form
committing
show examples
 a crime. It means that it could be misused by the owners, particularly when people cannot control their emotions or under the pressure of others. In some countries, individuals who
involved
Add a missing verb
are involved
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 in terrorist organizations
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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equipped with
Correct article usage
the skils
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skils
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
 of operating a
gun
 or even a bomb have
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
show examples
 to destroy public buildings and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
kill others. Another related reason is that
gun
 ownership may become a threat to the government. Even though the initial policy on allowing people
using
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to use
show examples
 a
gun
 is for security reasons, there is a survey carried out by UIN Sunan
kaliaga
Change the capitalization
Kaliaga
show examples
 shows that the level of security
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 nations
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 having a
gun
 is prohibited, their happiness
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly increase. In conclusion,
although
 having a
gun
 is important; it might
led
Change the verb form
lead
be led
show examples
 to
Correct your spelling
adverse
advers
Correct your spelling
adverse
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Matahari
Submitted by salwafahanim on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases and linking words to better connect your ideas. For instance, you could use phrases like 'in addition,' 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' and 'on the other hand' to create smoother transitions between points.
Task Achievement
You should also work on expanding your main points with more detailed explanations and supporting examples. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing. For example, you could provide specific incident reports or statistical data to support your points about the misuse of guns and their impact on public safety.
General Writing Quality
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary use. Minor errors like 'complitery' instead of 'completely' and 'assiciated' instead of 'associated' can detract from the overall quality of your essay. Consider revising and proofreading your work to eliminate such errors.
Task Achievement
Your essay clearly presents a position on the issue, and you have provided main points supporting your stance.
Introduction and Conclusion
The conclusion is present and reflects the points made in the essay, providing a sense of closure.
Logical Structure
You have logically structured responses, moving from one point to another in a reasonably clear manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • shootings
  • guns
  • increase
  • home
  • accidental
  • domestic violence
  • easy access
  • impulsive
  • violence
  • gun control laws
  • gun violence
  • ownership
  • regulated
  • misuse
  • public safety
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