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Writing Samples
Band 5

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#business #products #development
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Advertisements often emphasize the novelty of
products
 to capture the attention and desire for newness of potential customers.
This
 approach may suggest that newer
products
 are inherently superior to older ones, which has negative implications for both the environment and human mental health. Humans have an innate tendency to seek out new experiences, which advertisers exploit by creating a sense of curiosity and excitement around their
products
.
This
 tendency to seek out new experiences
also
 fuels our desire to acquire more material possessions. Advertisers often use statistical analysis of consumer
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 to suggest that newer
products
 are better than older ones, leading us to assume that newer
products
 must be superior, even when
this
 is not necessarily the case.
As a result
, many people are tempted to purchase new
products
 without fully understanding their specifications. In my opinion, advertisers should refrain from exploiting consumers' purchasing
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 solely for financial gain, as
this
 leads to excessive waste. The pursuit of material possessions can become a distraction for many young people, as it is ultimately unsatisfying at the core of their hearts.
Instead
, advertisements should emphasize the practicality and sustainability of
products
. It is ultimately the responsibility of the consumer to gain adequate information about a product before making a purchase.
Submitted by kana_ayaki on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction that lays out the reasoning more explicitly. A strong introduction can make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Consider adding specific examples to support your points. Examples can illustrate your ideas more effectively and make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Polish the conclusion to make it more definitive. Reiterating your main points and emphasizing your stance can leave a stronger impact on the reader.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the prompt adequately, discussing why businesses emphasize the novelty of products and whether this is positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is quite good, and your ideas flow well from one point to the next. You successfully connect your arguments to the main theme.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well supported and clearly explained.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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