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Band 4

THe amount of tea and coffee imported by four different countries

#amount #tea #coffee #four #countries
the bar chart illustrates how much
tea
 and
coffee
 is imported by four different nations.
Overall
, the amount of
tea
 and
coffee
 imported by the United States ranked
first,
while
 the imports of Canada and the United Kingdom stood at the
last
 in the amount allocated. The largest proportion of the imported
tea
 and
coffee
 was allocated to the UK, totalling 160,000
tonnes
, which is closely followed by the USA (just below 120,000
tonnes
).
In contrast
, the amount of
tea
 imports by Germany and Canada declined, the former was four times less than the leading country in the chart, and the latter was 20,000
tonnes
. As regards the figure for
coffee
 imported,
although
 Germany witnessed the highest purchases, the United Kingdom ranked
last
, importing about half as much as the other countries.
Additionally
, the other mentioned countries experienced the same exact number, which was 4,000
tonnes
.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

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task achievement
The essay covers most of the critical information from the bar chart but could benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. This would strengthen the overall coherence and task achievement of the response.
task achievement
While the main points are generally supported well, there are some minor inaccuracies in describing the data. The amount of tea imported by the UK should be clarified as 160,000 tonnes, which doesn't exactly align with 'closely followed by the USA at just below 120,000 tonnes'.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay could be improved. The overall logical flow is present, but the introduction could be clearer, and a concluding sentence would enhance the essay's cohesion.
coherence cohesion
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'the other mentioned countries experienced the same exact number, which was 4,000 tonnes.' This should be rephrased for clarity.
task achievement
Major points from the bar chart are well addressed, showing a good understanding of the data presented.
task achievement
The essay uses comparative language effectively, which is essential when describing differences in data.
task achievement
Key examples and specific figures are used to support the points made, which adds to the clarity of the description.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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