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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Fossil fuel is the main source of energy. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. Is this a positive or negative development?

#fuel #source #energy #countries #alternative #sources #development
Given the deterioration of environmental quality that stems from the combustion of fossil fuels,several nations have encouraged the adoption of sustainable
energy
sources
.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on the merits and demerits of
this
 tendency before concluding it is an encouraging development. On the one hand,carbon-free
energy
sources
 have an adverse bearing on the communities to a certain extent.
Firstly
,
this
 type of power could be prohibitively expensive
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 put a strain on government coffers.The enormous cost incurred to install gadgets to generate
these
Change the determiner
this energy
these energies
show examples
energy
 could lead to budget deficits,tax hikes,or reduce social welfare,thereby struggling the ordinary,especially the underprivileged in order to make
end
Fix the agreement mistake
ends
show examples
meets
Correct subject-verb agreement
meet
show examples
.
Moreover
,renewable
sources
 could be intermittent or diluted.
For example
,wind power could not be stored,so if they stopped working because of external factors,the flow of electricity would be disrupted,which would be impossible for the rapid demand of the huge consumption all around the world.
On the other hand
,there are
Correct article usage
a hosts
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hosts
Fix the agreement mistake
host
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 of compelling reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why I am convinced that the aforementioned drawbacks could pale in comparison with the profound benefits yielded by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eco-friendly power
sources
.One rationale is that these greener substitutes could minimize the undesirable influences of carbon footprint.
This
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
could be the precursor to the decline of toxic exhaust fumes that stemmed from factories and traffic engines,thereby mitigating the risk of people getting lung cancer or respiratory diseases.
Additionally
,alternative
energy
sources
 are infinity that allow
using
Replace the word
use
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 permanently.
For instance
,solar
energy
 that
gathered
Add a missing verb
is gathered
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 from the sun
cold
Correct your spelling
could
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 provide a large amount of
energy
,which
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 be depleted as long as
this
 planet
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 in existence. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that green
energy
 could be fraught with pitfalls,I would contend that these friendly powers are paramount
important
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in the foreseeable future
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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coherence cohesion
Avoid run-on sentences. Breaking them into smaller, clearer sentences enhances readability and ensures each point is effectively communicated.
task achievement
Some ideas are repeated with slightly different wordings (e.g., the cost of renewable energy). Try to present new ideas or elaborate on the existing ones more deeply.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and data to substantiate your points, especially when mentioning cost or environmental benefits.
coherence cohesion
Mind the use of articles and prepositions for better grammatical accuracy (e.g., "wind power could not be stored" could be rephrased for better clarity).
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The choice of vocabulary and range of sentence structures demonstrate a good command of English.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy sources
  • wind, solar, and hydroelectric power
  • sustainable solution
  • finite resources
  • inexhaustible
  • economic growth
  • renewable energy infrastructure
  • health benefits
  • respiratory diseases
  • energy independence
  • energy security
What to do next:
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