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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best way to learn about other culture is to work in a multinational organization do you agree or Disagree

#culture #work #organization
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Learning about different
cultures
 has been a popular topic in recent years. There are multiple methods to delve into multiple
cultures
;
however
,
people
 debate whether working in a multinational organization is the best
way
 to learn about them. To some extent, I don't completely agree with
this
 opinion,
while
 there are other nice approaches.
Firstly
,
people
 can definitely learn the working aspects of different
cultures
 from foreign colleagues. Working in a multinational organization follows regulations combined with diverse management styles
due to
 the various backgrounds of supervisors.
For instance
,
over-time
Correct your spelling
overtime
show examples
 working is not acceptable in most areas.
However
, it is barely to avoid in most Asian countries. Afterwards, it causes a culture gap in the workplace.
Therefore
, it is neither the only nor the best
way
 to learn
other
Change preposition
about other
show examples
cultures
 since there are more methods worth trying. Regarding a
way
 of understanding other
cultures
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 is a
way
 that provides
people
 with a
way
 to deepen their understanding of the place. Once
people
 build bonds with local residents, they are likely to explore the local better.
For example
, grocery shopping in a local market and communicating with the stands,
obserserving
Correct your spelling
observing
 the locals' behaviours and habits
while
 walking on streets, and immersing
oneselves
Correct your spelling
oneself
 in the environment to feel the closest connection between the culture.
People
 get to know deeper aspects of
cultures
this
way
, and I believe it is a significantly more mesmerizing
way
. In conclusion, working in multinational organizations can indeed learn about different
cultures
.
Nevertheless
, it is not the best
way
 to achieve
this
 desire. In my opinion, travel can be a better option since it is
also
 a great
way
 to meet new
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
, and
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can bring
people
 to a deeper level of understanding
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the culture.
Submitted by vsunnloe147 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, try to ensure that your arguments are developed in a more integrated manner. Transitions between paragraphs could be smoother, and referencing previous points would help. Additionally, avoid minor language errors and awkward phrasing to enhance clarity.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task response, consider addressing potential counterarguments, which would make your argument more comprehensive. Additionally, ensure that your conclusion encapsulates the key points discussed in a more impactful manner.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant and specific examples, particularly in discussing traveling as a means to understand cultures. This strengthens the argument and makes it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported and provide clear, logical reasons that effectively argue your stance on the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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