IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best way to learn about other culture is to work in a multinational organization do you agree or Disagree

#culture #work #organization
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Learning about different
cultures
Use synonyms
 has been a popular topic in recent years. There are multiple methods to delve into multiple
cultures
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 debate whether working in a multinational organization is the best
way
Use synonyms
 to learn about them. To some extent, I don't completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion,
while
Linking Words
 there are other nice approaches.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can definitely learn the working aspects of different
cultures
Use synonyms
 from foreign colleagues. Working in a multinational organization follows regulations combined with diverse management styles
due to
Linking Words
 the various backgrounds of supervisors.
For instance
Linking Words
,
over-time
Correct your spelling
overtime
show examples
 working is not acceptable in most areas.
However
Linking Words
, it is barely to avoid in most Asian countries. Afterwards, it causes a culture gap in the workplace.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is neither the only nor the best
way
Use synonyms
 to learn
other
Change preposition
about other
show examples
cultures
Use synonyms
 since there are more methods worth trying. Regarding a
way
Use synonyms
 of understanding other
cultures
Use synonyms
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 is a
way
Use synonyms
 that provides
people
Use synonyms
 with a
way
Use synonyms
 to deepen their understanding of the place. Once
people
Use synonyms
 build bonds with local residents, they are likely to explore the local better.
For example
Linking Words
, grocery shopping in a local market and communicating with the stands,
obserserving
Correct your spelling
observing
 the locals' behaviours and habits
while
Linking Words
 walking on streets, and immersing
oneselves
Correct your spelling
oneself
 in the environment to feel the closest connection between the culture.
People
Use synonyms
 get to know deeper aspects of
cultures
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
way
Use synonyms
, and I believe it is a significantly more mesmerizing
way
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, working in multinational organizations can indeed learn about different
cultures
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is not the best
way
Use synonyms
 to achieve
this
Linking Words
 desire. In my opinion, travel can be a better option since it is
also
Linking Words
 a great
way
Use synonyms
 to meet new
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
, and
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can bring
people
Use synonyms
 to a deeper level of understanding
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the culture.
Submitted by vsunnloe147 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, try to ensure that your arguments are developed in a more integrated manner. Transitions between paragraphs could be smoother, and referencing previous points would help. Additionally, avoid minor language errors and awkward phrasing to enhance clarity.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task response, consider addressing potential counterarguments, which would make your argument more comprehensive. Additionally, ensure that your conclusion encapsulates the key points discussed in a more impactful manner.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant and specific examples, particularly in discussing traveling as a means to understand cultures. This strengthens the argument and makes it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported and provide clear, logical reasons that effectively argue your stance on the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: