Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business, and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important to be shared freely? Discuss these views and give your opinion.
It is often argued by some people that it is an excellent idea to share as much
information
as possible in the
variety of spheres Correct article usage
a
such
as research, business and the academic world,while
others believe that that
Correct determiner usage
the
king
of data should be given for money. Of course, by giving useful Correct your spelling
kind
information
person could facilitate the task for someone,in
the meantime Correct word choice
and in
this
person could earn a good quantity of cash by selling them.
On the one hand, when someone can not find solution
Add an article
a solution
the solution
in
something and needs help, Change preposition
to
individual
who has that Add an article
an individual
the individual
information
could make the task easier by providing tips. In the modern world, there are lots of websites which envolve
effective Correct your spelling
involve
advices
, by providing them people can learn Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
by
their own and Change preposition
on
make done
it easily. Verb problem
get
For instance
, there is a person called Micheal who has his own YouTube channel named "Dads
Change noun form
Dad's
help
" which he dedicated Capitalize word
Help
for
boys who Change preposition
to
does
not have a father. Right Correct subject-verb agreement
do
bellow
the comments, all subscribers, especially Correct your spelling
below
that
young boys are grateful to Micheal as he made their life easier by providing Correct determiner usage
the
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
information
such
as how to tie a tie or even how to fix a technique .
On the other hand
, not everyone wants to share information
for free. For the reason that,
they might have searched for it too long and perhaps it is a valuable thing.Remove the comma
apply
Hence
they have a feeling of pitiness
to give. Correct your spelling
pity
For example
, there are so much of bloggers who sell their information
about how to become successful or how to earn money. They do not want to give that data, as it is too valuable for them.
Mobilograps selling their course for 200,000 tenge.
In conclusion, individuals are not willing to share their own useful information
as they want to make a
money on Remove the article
apply
this
, while
others sharing
that data as they want to help to crowd.Wrong verb form
share
Submitted by aizered097 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good structure but it needs a clearer logical flow between the points. Use linking words to make the connections between your ideas more explicit.
task achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly states both views and your opinion. Currently, it primarily outlines one side. A balanced introduction would make your response more complete.
task achievement
Some arguments are underdeveloped and can be elaborated further to support your main idea more comprehensively. Try to develop your points with more details and examples.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to strengthen your points, which is a good practice to support arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarises the main points of your essay, which is essential for a cohesive response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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