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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts below illustrate the results
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 satisfied visitors were in Ashdown Museum before and after its refurbishment
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 a year.
Overall
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, the survey indicated that the crowds' responses seemed to be good since the number of dissatisfied people decreased
while
Linking Words
 the opposite
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
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 were increasing gradually.
Firstly
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, in the first year mentioned, despite the quantity of the folks satisfied shown, most visitors, about the percentage of 40, were dissatisfied owing to the internal appearance, which was not impressive, and another 10% very displeased,
however
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, approximately 5% of goers who did not respond to the poll.
On the contrary
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, a year later, the
musuem
Correct your spelling
museum
had been
Wrong verb form
was
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 renovated causing many good responses
by
Change preposition
from
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 the visitors,
besides
Linking Words
 that,
three-fourth
Correct your spelling
three-fourths
show examples
 of the
crowds
Fix the agreement mistake
crowd
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 who had been there were pleased about the refurbishment but those grumpy still existed,
nonetheless
Linking Words
, some were not willing to give any answers.
Submitted by nutthan.aud on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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