IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

People living in larger cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move smaller regional towns.

#people #cities #face #life #governments #move #towns
Many
people
who’s
Change the verb form
who are
show examples
 living in metropolitan
cities
 nowadays,
facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 many problems in their everyday
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. An individual
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to move to
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
show examples
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 for
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
reasons
such
 as looking for
job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 and better
education
,
however
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practice they will face some problems.
To begin
 with, living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big
cities
 provides more
job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 rather in small
cities
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for
people
 who search for
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
. The
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
number of
job
 variety in bigger
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 is massive compared with
in
Correct pronoun usage
those in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small
cities
.
Therefore
, every year, a large number of
people
 will come to
big
Add an article
the big
a big
show examples
city
.
However
,
this
 will bring mass movement
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will bring
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
housing prices because of the rising
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
property where every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
place
Add an article
a place
show examples
 to stay.
As a result
,The Government need to prevent the rise of the prices of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
property by many
job
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another area
Fix the agreement mistake
other areas
show examples
 which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will make
people
 stay in their area for
job
 searching rather than moving out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their places.
In addition
, big
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
such
 as metropolitan
city
 provides
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
quality
 of
education
 system. Many
parent
Change to a plural noun
parents
show examples
 considered to put their children
Fix the infinitive
to study
show examples
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 outside their hometown because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
quality
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
 in
big
Add an article
the big
show examples
city
 higher rather in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
.
Therefore
, many children who already studied in the big
city
 tend to stay to continuing their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 greater
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 in big
cities
 rather
going
Change preposition
than going
show examples
 back to their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
this
 condition, the Government needs to enhance the
quality
 of educational systems in small
cities
with give
Change preposition
by giving
show examples
 subsidies and
provides
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 better facilities
such
 as higher-qualified teachers, and sophisticated study devices.
This
 will become a consideration for the parent to keep their children in the same
city
 as where they
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
. In conclusion, big
cities
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 a lot of
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
such
 as better
job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 and
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
 system.
These
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 can
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in the future which
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 mass movement that makes big
cities
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population which can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 housing
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.
That is
 why the Government should
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small
cities
, so they would be interesting for
people
 who looking for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 or higher
quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
 systems.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Grammar
Focus on reducing grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'who’s living' should be corrected to 'who are living.'
Content Development
Work on topic development and providing more relevant examples and explanations. This will make your main points clearer and more comprehensive.
Structure
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly focused on a single point and that your ideas flow logically. Use clearer topic sentences and connecting phrases to improve coherence.
Introduction and Conclusion
Improve the introduction by succinctly outlining the main points you will discuss. Similarly, ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes the points addressed in the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the tasks required by the prompt, including mentioning the issues faced by people in big cities and suggesting actions the government could take.
Structure
There is a clear attempt to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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