IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries around the world men and women are having children later in life. What are the reasons for this development? What are the effects on society and family life?

#countries #world #men #women #children #life #development #effects #society
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Nowadays, people choose to push back
having
Change preposition
against having
show examples
 and raising
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generation in certain
countries
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. At the same time,
however
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, there is some uncertainty as to the causes of
this
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 trend and its influence on societal and personal life. In
this
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 essay, I will examine the reasons and impacts of
this
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 development to reach a conclusion.
To begin
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 with, many young adults prioritize their own career success over family happiness. The delay
on
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in
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 raising their own
children
Use synonyms
 indeed provides a buffer, bestowing them enough time to pursue individual achievement.
Moreover
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, in some densely populated
countries
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, the drastically increasing house
price
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prices
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 and tuition
fee
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fees
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 make the cost
to raise
Change preposition
of raising
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 a child unaffordable.
Therefore
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, raising kids at
earlier
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an earlier
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 age would bring much financial burden and pressure for young
couples
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.
In addition
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, the increasing financial pressure
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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 to the concept change for young
couples
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, who prefer to change living regions and explore as much as they can to find a stable place suitable for raising
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 generation financially.
On the other hand
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, the government, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries
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 with
Correct article usage
an aging
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aging
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ageing
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 population trend
such
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 as Japan or China, will inevitably face huge pressure with the reduction of
young
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the young
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labor
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labour
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 force.
However
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, these young
couples
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,
which
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who
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 have made informed decisions before settling down, would be more mentally mature and responsible for taking care of
their
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the
show examples
 next generation.
Additionally
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, after accumulating enough wealth and achieving personal success, these young
couples
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 can promise their
children
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 better access to educational resources and better companionship with their
children
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.
Children
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 would be better off growing up in
virtuous
Correct article usage
a virtuous
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 family setting. To summarize, the reasons for delay
on
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in
show examples
 raising
children
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in particular
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countries
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 could be second priority, heavy financial burden, and concept change. At the same time, the influence could bring
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
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 to local government yet beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
's growth.
Submitted by erminelyu on

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task achievement
The essay does a good job of addressing the reasons for delayed parenthood and its effects on society and family life. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate the points, such as mentioning particular career fields or financial data that highlight the rising costs of living and education.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain the reader’s engagement. For example, linking the financial burden discussed in the second paragraph more directly to the societal impacts mentioned in the third paragraph would strengthen coherence.
coherence cohesion
Better organization of points could enhance clarity. Consider addressing all reasons in one paragraph and all effects in another. This would help in creating a more structured flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the essay's purpose and offers a good preview of the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the central argument, providing a satisfying end to the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the causes and effects of the trend, showcasing an understanding of the topic from multiple angles.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • developments
  • adulthood
  • education
  • career
  • financial stability
  • ready
  • start a family
  • assisted reproductive technologies
  • personal fulfillment
  • self-development
  • improved healthcare
  • life expectancies
  • cultural factors
  • religious factors
  • access
  • birth control methods
  • responsibilities
  • challenges
  • parenthood
  • influence
  • media
  • popular culture
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