In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.What are the advantages and disadvantages ofgiving children this message?
In many cultures, people raise their
children
through encouragement
. They told their child as long as they worked hard, they could achieve everything. From my prospect, this
message
could bring both advantages and drawbacks to children
.
The main advantage that telling this
message
to children
could bring is self-confidence. In contemporary society, with the increasing pressure in life and competition among peers. People, especially children
, tend to question themselves more often as an act of lacking confidence. Telling them putting effort could make a difference is a great way to encourage them to do their best to achieve goals, which could help establish self-confidence. Not to mention
the message
could also
intensify their belief that their efforts are worthwhile so that they could be more willing to take actions
. Fix the agreement mistake
action
Additionally
, the more encouragement
children
receive, the more possibilities they have. The reason why people always criticise Chinese education is because lacking of encouragement
. Children
are afraid to talk, play and make mistakes, making Chinese students less creative and failing to think and achieve big. However
as research finds out, most children
who later become successful are often raised through their parents' encouragement
. There is a tied bond between success and encouragement
which cannot be ignored.
Each coin has two sides, drawbacks also
exist when telling children
that they could
achieve everything through hard work. Teenagers may become overconfident and even arrogant. They might think they Wrong verb form
can
could
achieve everything as long as they work hard, making them less focused on the choice of path or method they have. They might choose a difficult method though there are some which could cost less. Wrong verb form
can
Additionally
, the overconfidence that telling the message
might bring could also
make children
set up goals which are much higher than their ability. And as soon as they find out that they are not able to achieve it, depression and other mental illnesses might come.
To conclude
, it is true that establishing children
’s confidence through encouragement
has significant benefits, but the adversely
Change the word
adverse
affect
it might bring are Correct your spelling
effects
also
important to be aware of and prevent.Submitted by 18310971390 on
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task achievement
The introduction should be more engaging and clear. Rephrase it to make the topic and your stance more obvious.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs could be better organized. For instance, separate the main advantage and additional points into distinct paragraphs for improved clarity.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs and ideas for smoother flow. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points more relevant.
coherence cohesion
Double-check for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to make your essay more polished.
task achievement
The essay provides a balance between advantages and disadvantages, which shows your ability to see both sides of an argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your points and restates your position, which is effective.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a fair amount of logical flow with well-supported ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.