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Band 5.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?”

#countries #amount #crime
In recent years, many nations have witnessed a troubling rise in criminal activities.
This
 essay will explore the primary
causes
 of
this
 surge and propose measures to mitigate these factors effectively. One of the main
causes
 of increased crime rates is economic disparity. As the gap between the rich and the poor widens, those in disadvantaged positions may resort to theft or other criminal acts out of desperation.
Additionally
, the lack of education and employment opportunities can lead individuals to seek illicit means of earning a living. Another contributing factor is the breakdown of social structures and family units, which traditionally served as a moral compass and deterrent against criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. To address these
causes
, governments and communities must work together to create more equitable economic systems. Providing education and vocational training can equip individuals with the skills needed to secure legitimate employment.
Furthermore
, strengthening community bonds and family support systems can play a crucial role in preventing crime. Initiatives
such
 as community policing and youth mentorship programs can
also
 foster a sense of belonging and deter individuals from engaging in criminal activities. In conclusion, the rise in crime rates is a multifaceted issue that requires a comprehensive approach to tackle. By addressing the root
causes
such
 as economic inequality, lack of education, and weakened social structures, we can create a more secure and just society for all.
Submitted by yassinm1211 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points. For example, you could mention specific programs or policies that have worked in certain countries to illustrate your arguments better.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, ensuring smooth transitions between some ideas can enhance readability. Try using more connecting phrases to improve the flow of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion. The logical structure aids in reader comprehension.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly presented and comprehensive, making it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question directly and completely, making it a strong response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
What to do next:
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