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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Some people hold the view that
children
 should be taught by their parents
while
 others assert that public education might do that better.
Although
 both views have their own logic, I still support the former
due to
 its merits. When
children
 live with their parents, they can learn about human-treated
skills
 and behaviours.
This
 kind of knowledge will easily be gained by kids if they have enough time to be close up with their “teachers”,
thus
 allowing
children
 to attend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society with confidence.
For instance
, Vietnamese students educated by their parents could perform their characteristics more efficiently than
the
Change the word
their
show examples
school
-instructed counterparts.
On the other hand
,
children
 attending
school
 may find social
skills
 and problem-solving methods less difficult to gain rather than learning
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at home. It is true that public education could give kids a perfect environment to show off and enhance
such
 kind of necessary
skills
, which means that
children
 can not use
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 social
skills
 without the support of
school
. In conclusion,
while
 people are supposed to say that learning at home is better than
school
 and others have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 contrasting view, I wholeheartedly support the former because of learning
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 behaviour methods, which can not be gained in
school
.
Submitted by alicema0503 on

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relevant specific examples
You should provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and demonstrate your ability to think critically about the topic.
logical structure
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that your arguments follow a clear and logical order.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for your essay.
complete response
You have addressed both views in a balanced manner, which shows your understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your main points are relevant and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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