More and more schools allow fast food restaurant to sell their products to their students.Is it a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, an increasing number of fast
food
restaurants has led to a troubling effect in
all over the world. A lot of schools are now giving Change preposition
apply
the
permission to sell these Correct article usage
apply
food
items to their students. In my opinion, It is a negative development. In the following paragraphs, I intend to discuss the reasons behind its negative impact.
To begin
with, in recent years school
childrens
are consuming fast Correct your spelling
children
food
items excessively inside and outside of the schools. As schools have permitted the restaurants to conduct their businesses, these heavy food
items have become more available to the learners. As a result
, overconsumption of fast food
is increasing day by day and this
leads to a detrimental impact on their health. For instance
, in 2023 a survey conducted by Brac has shown that more than 80% students
are addicted to beverage Change preposition
of students
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
due to
it's
easy accessibility.
Correct your spelling
their
Moreover
, fast food
is spoiling the taste bar of the children and they are not interested to take
tiffin from home. As students have to stay Change preposition
in taking
long
time at the Change the article
a long
school
, they intake only those outside products. As a result
, the ailment rate has also
increased. So, overall
it has a negative impact in
our society. To illustrate, a journal has shown that at present in Bangladesh Change preposition
on
the
obesity among Correct article usage
apply
school going
children is increasing dramatically which leads to Add a hyphen
school-going
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
of
Change preposition
in
diabetese
, mental Correct your spelling
diabetes
disorder
, cancer and other health issues.
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
Although
fast food
businesses have grown exponentially which results in higher economic development, its disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
To sum up
, a growing number of educational institutions are permitting restaurants. They shoud
restrict it as it leads to Correct your spelling
should
extreme
negative Change the word
extremely
effect
on the Fix the agreement mistake
effects
school
children.Submitted by tasnimbookkeeper on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance that allowing fast food in schools is a negative development, which is good. However, consider providing more balanced arguments to acknowledge opposing views, which can make your argument more robust.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally coherent, pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. For example, 'In recent years school childrens' should be 'In recent years, school children'. Proper punctuation will greatly improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Include a few more varied transition words or phrases to ensure smoother flow between paragraphs. Words like 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'on the other hand' can help maintain coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate your main argument, which helps create a well-rounded essay.
relevant specific examples
The examples you provided are relevant and appropriately illustrate your points regarding the negative impact of fast food on health and lifestyle.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example