Research shows that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, advertising for certain food products should be banned, in the same way as cigarette advertising is banned in many countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Opinions differ over whether fast
food
marketing should be prohibited, considering it causes overeating. Though there is a benefit
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
doing so, I suggest that it should not be completely restricted. In
this
essay, I will discuss several reasons for that.
To begin
with, banning advertising for certain
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
has a negative influence in terms of
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
of
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
industry and
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
show examples
of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertising are main income of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
organizations
such
as
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
world cup
Correct your spelling
World Cup
show examples
. The price of one minute of single
adverting
Correct your spelling
advertising
show examples
will decline If certain
food
Correct your spelling
advertising
advertisement
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisements
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
banned in that
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that implementing a blanket ban on TV
commercial
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials
show examples
can curtail
overweight
Replace the word
the obesity
show examples
problem among children.
However
, banning ad. cannot 100% solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health prob
such
as obesity and diabetes (which are caused by other factors). In conclusion, in spite of the advantages of forbiddance
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
advertising, the obvious flaw mentioned above makes
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
prudential supervision outweigh an entirely restrain in general.
Submitted by shawn291517 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on your arguments with more specific examples. This will help to better illustrate your points and support your main ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
Develop clearer topic sentences and ensure each paragraph stays focused on a single idea. This will enhance the logical flow and structure of your essay.
language
Clarify your points by avoiding abbreviations (e.g., 'ad.' for 'advertisements') and ensure proper grammar and lexical choices. This will improve the clarity and sophistication of your ideas.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which shows a fair consideration of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and relevant to the topic, providing a clear starting point and ending for your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: