IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There have been major advances in technology over recent decades and this has led to significant improvements in people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#advances #technology #decades #improvements #people’s #lives
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In recent decades, with the rapid development of The Times,
technology
 has developed rapidly, which has had a significant impact on society. In my opinion, these advances have really brought about substantial improvements in people's lives. The first is communication. The Internet and smartphones have made it easier to connect globally,
while
 social media has fostered community. People-to-people exchanges have become closer and more convenient.
In addition
,
technology
 has revolutionized the field of medicine to some extent. The involvement of AI in medical research,
as well as
 telemedicine to provide remote consultation and real-time health monitoring, has increased accessibility and reduced costs.
Technology
 has
also
 made significant advances when it comes to work and mobility. Remote working and digital nomadism promote flexibility,
while
 electric vehicles and high-speed trains offer faster, safer, and more sustainable mobility options. Despite these benefits, challenges
such
 as cybersecurity and job loss remain. There are often news reports about Internet fraud and other incidents.
However
, in my opinion, with careful regulation,
technology
 can continue to enhance the well-being of society.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your logical structure, consider linking your paragraphs more effectively. Use transition words or phrases to ensure that the flow from one point to the next is smooth and logical.
coherence cohesion
Including a brief conclusion to summarize your key points and restate the thesis would provide more closure to your essay and improve the overall cohesion.
task achievement
Try to support your main points with more specific examples and evidence. For instance, mention particular technologies or case studies that illustrate the benefits and challenges you've discussed.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the task and covers multiple aspects of how advances in technology have impacted people's lives. This demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, and you present an overall balanced view by acknowledging both the benefits and challenges of technological advancements. This depth adds to the quality of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets up the essay well, and you discuss several relevant and specific points, such as communication advancements, medical improvements, and changes in work and mobility.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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