More and more schools allow fast food restaurant to sell their products to their students.Is it a positive or a negative development?
Recently,
food
consumption for student
has been drawing world attention as it will impact the development of future Fix the agreement mistake
students
generation
. Unfortunately, more schools are allowing their students to consume junk Fix the agreement mistake
generations
food
freely. I firmly believe this
is a concerning phenomenon and the arguments will be discussed in this
essay.
First and foremost, unhealthy nutritions
from processed-based meals Correct your spelling
nutrition
are
arguably dangerous for Correct subject-verb agreement
is
children
. Current studies has been showed
that fast Wrong verb form
have shown
food
contain
more harmful ingredients that lead to serious illness. Change the verb form
contains
For instance
, in America, children
's obesity that caused
by daily doze of junk Add a missing verb
is caused
food
has been becoming national
public health problem. Henceforth, allowing students Correct article usage
a national
take
bad dietary will cause more severe physical problems.
Verb problem
to have
Furthermore
, providing more ready-made meal choices in schools will encourage students to spend more money
on those
unhealthy foods. Correct determiner usage
apply
Consequently
, it will increase parent's burden to give more pocket money
for
their Change preposition
to
children
. Moreover
, it also
can resulting
in Change the verb form
result
be resulting
the
bad financial Correct article usage
apply
habit
, as Fix the agreement mistake
habits
children
will prefer to spending
their Wrong verb form
spend
money
on foods
or Fix the agreement mistake
food
snack
rather than saving up their Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
money
.
In conclusion, bad dietery
from fast Correct your spelling
diet
food
will impact on
various Change preposition
apply
problem
Change the noun form
problems
such
as children
's health and bad
financial Correct word choice
apply
problem
. Fix the agreement mistake
problems
Therefore
, schools
strict dietary regulations Change noun form
schools'
school's
is
imperative to be addressed for the goodness of Change the verb form
are
children
's development.Submitted by mofaraintani on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively by presenting a clear opinion and supporting arguments. However, to improve further, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and fully develops it. This can help in presenting more comprehensive ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but there are areas where the connection between ideas could be stronger. Use linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within them.
task achievement
Support your main points with more relevant and specific examples. Providing strong evidence will make your argument more convincing and strengthen your task response.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion. However, it can be made stronger by briefly mentioning the main reasons once more and linking them to the overall issue.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the issue and the writer's stance, which makes it easy for the reader to understand the purpose of the essay.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key arguments and reinforces the writer's stance.
coherence cohesion
The paragraphs are well-organized, with each paragraph addressing a specific point.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.