More and more schools allow fast food restaurant to sell their products to their students.Is it a positive or a negative development?

#schools #food #restaurant #products #students #development

Recently,

food

consumption for

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

has been drawing world attention as it will impact the development of future

generation

Fix the agreement mistake

generations

show examples

. Unfortunately, more schools are allowing their students to consume junk

food

freely. I firmly believe

this

is a concerning phenomenon and the arguments will be discussed in

this

essay. First and foremost, unhealthy

nutritions

Correct your spelling

nutrition

show examples

from processed-based meals

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

arguably dangerous for

children

. Current studies

has been showed

Wrong verb form

have shown

show examples

that fast

food

contain

Change the verb form

contains

show examples

more harmful ingredients that lead to serious illness.

For instance

, in America,

children

's obesity that

caused

Add a missing verb

is caused

show examples

by daily doze of junk

food

has been becoming

national

Correct article usage

a national

show examples

public health problem. Henceforth, allowing students

take

Verb problem

to have

show examples

bad dietary will cause more severe physical problems.

Furthermore

, providing more ready-made meal choices in schools will encourage students to spend more

money

those

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

unhealthy foods.

Consequently

, it will increase parent's burden to give more pocket

money

for

Change preposition

show examples

their

children

Moreover

, it

also

can

resulting

Change the verb form

result

be resulting

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

bad financial

habit

Fix the agreement mistake

habits

show examples

, as

children

will prefer to

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

their

money

foods

Fix the agreement mistake

food

show examples

snack

Fix the agreement mistake

snacks

show examples

rather than saving up their

money

. In conclusion, bad

dietery

Correct your spelling

diet

from fast

food

will impact

Change preposition

apply

show examples

various

problem

Change the noun form

problems

show examples

such

children

's health and

bad

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

financial

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

Therefore

schools

Change noun form

schools'

school's

show examples

strict dietary regulations

Change the verb form

are

show examples

imperative to be addressed for the goodness of

children

's development.

Submitted by mofaraintani on Mon May 20 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task effectively by presenting a clear opinion and supporting arguments. However, to improve further, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and fully develops it. This can help in presenting more comprehensive ideas.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but there are areas where the connection between ideas could be stronger. Use linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within them.

task achievement

Support your main points with more relevant and specific examples. Providing strong evidence will make your argument more convincing and strengthen your task response.

introduction conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion. However, it can be made stronger by briefly mentioning the main reasons once more and linking them to the overall issue.

task achievement

The introduction clearly states the issue and the writer's stance, which makes it easy for the reader to understand the purpose of the essay.

introduction conclusion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the key arguments and reinforces the writer's stance.

coherence cohesion

The paragraphs are well-organized, with each paragraph addressing a specific point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

208 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

nutritional quality
obesity
diabetes
academic performance
eating habits
partnerships
food waste
long-term health
funding
concentration
energy levels
lifestyle choices
parental concerns

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therfore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent fo you agree or disagree
There is a controlersial argument whether certain careers are more suitable for either men or women. The autor contends that men and women are equal in terms of potential and qualities, thereby, have the same opportunities in their chosen field.
<4
band
Task 2: young people often influenced in their behavior by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?
There was a controversial heating up a debate over the presure of young people. While some claim that stress has a myriad of pros, the opposite makes a statement that it has a cons. This essay is devoted to analyzing both sides of the aspect, followed by parallel reasons
7
band
These days many families move abroad for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Others believe that it makes their lives more difficult. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
With the advent of globalization in the 21st century, people have migrated across the globe in search of better lifestyles and employment opportunities. While the masses have established themselves in a new nation, on the other hand, some remained in their home country. This essay will discuss both of these viewpoints and will be concluded with my opinion.
7.5
band
As social media continue to develop, more and more youngsters have unsupervised access to all the contents available over the internet in order to meet and chat with friends and even strangers, which can lead to some potentially dangerous situations. What solutions can you suggest to deal with this problem?
In the modern era, a large number of young people use the internet to meet and talk with friends via social media. Due to social media and the growth of the internet in the 21st century, many children are facing issues related to their health and the expression of their feelings as a result of the lack of face-to-face interaction. This issue can be solved by opting for some measures.
<4
band
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents For instance , for sport or music and others are not . however , it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Why are there so many jams on the roads these days? One thing is that public transport like trains, buses, etc is so dear. A long time ago, cars cost a lot but now, unfortunately, they’ve got a lot cheaper. Another thing is that driving is a lot nicer than waiting for a bus. The trouble is that if everyone buys a car, the roads get packed.

More and more schools allow fast food restaurant to sell their products to their students.Is it a positive or a negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therfore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent fo you agree or disagree

Task 2: young people often influenced in their behavior by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

These days many families move abroad for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Others believe that it makes their lives more difficult. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents For instance , for sport or music and others are not . however , it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.