IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so they should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Whether or not that artistry should be compulsory at high school for a child's development has become a debatable topic.
This
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 writer believes that
this
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 world would be a waste of potential and create unnecessary stress for
students
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 who can't comprehend the meaning of
art
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. It should be acknowledged that having
art
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 in higher education would reduce the amount of
time
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 they have to focus on other
subjects
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.
This
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 would ultimately lead to wasting precious
time
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 on other more crucial
subjects
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such
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 as civic education of science.
Thus
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 leading to lower academic achievements in other
subjects
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 with the
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time constrained
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time-constrained
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 for
art
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.
For instance
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, many schools in Vietnam have
art
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 as one of the major
subjects
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, most
students
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 in
such
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 schools focus too much of their
time
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 on artistic achievement that they spend little
time
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 studying other
subjects
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, leading to incredibly low scores on tests. Despite
this
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, many parents who support the addition of artistic
subjects
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 said that
art
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 classes can help their children improve their creativity and display their talents.
This
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 point is somewhat correct, but for
students
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 with no talents and no understanding of
art
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, it will create unnecessary stress during their academic years. Because
students
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 will have to
also
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 focus on
art
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 and many other
subjects
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 within a more constrained
time
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 spent it will be very stressful, especially for slow or untalented
students
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.
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Thus
Correct your spelling
This
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 leads
than
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apply
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to
use
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the use
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many
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of many
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 methods to cope with their stress could be very costly. In conclusion, artistic
subjects
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 shouldn't be included in official academic training as it would waste potential
time
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 for other
subjects
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.
Besides
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this
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, untalented
students
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 will have a very rough
time
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 studying another subject.

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task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is good. However, ensure that you present a clear and firm stance in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical flow, some of your points can be better connected to make your arguments clearer. Utilize transition words and phrases to link your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to include more specific and diverse examples to support your points. The example from Vietnam is good but try to provide a variety of evidence.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences and ideas are repetitive. Vary your sentence structures and avoid redundancy to keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by addressing both sides of the argument, which is important for a well-rounded essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which is fundamental for a cohesive essay structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive skills
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity and innovation
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global citizenship
  • Tolerance
  • Enhanced academic performance
  • Focus
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Mathematical abilities
  • Stress relief
  • Personal development
  • Self-discipline
  • Perseverance
  • Confidence
  • Teamwork
  • Collaboration
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