Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important for children’s development as other subjects, so they should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?
Whether or not that artistry should be compulsory at high school for a child's development has become a debatable topic.
This
writer believes that this
world would be a waste of potential and create unnecessary stress for students
who can't comprehend the meaning of art
.
It should be acknowledged that having art
in higher education would reduce the amount of time
they have to focus on other subjects
. This
would ultimately lead to wasting precious time
on other more crucial subjects
such
as civic education of science. Thus
leading to lower academic achievements in other subjects
with the time constrained
for Add a hyphen
time-constrained
art
. For instance
, many schools in Vietnam have art
as one of the major subjects
, most students
in such
schools focus too much of their time
on artistic achievement that they spend little time
studying other subjects
, leading to incredibly low scores on tests.
Despite this
, many parents who support the addition of artistic subjects
said that art
classes can help their children improve their creativity and display their talents. This
point is somewhat correct, but for students
with no talents and no understanding of art
, it will create unnecessary stress during their academic years. Because students
will have to also
focus on art
and many other subjects
within a more constrained time
spent it will be very stressful, especially for slow or untalented students
. Thus
leads Correct your spelling
This
than
to Correct word choice
apply
use
Correct article usage
the use
many
methods to cope with their stress could be very costly.
In conclusion, artistic Change preposition
of many
subjects
shouldn't be included in official academic training as it would waste potential time
for other subjects
. Besides
this
, untalented students
will have a very rough time
studying another subject.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is good. However, ensure that you present a clear and firm stance in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical flow, some of your points can be better connected to make your arguments clearer. Utilize transition words and phrases to link your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to include more specific and diverse examples to support your points. The example from Vietnam is good but try to provide a variety of evidence.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences and ideas are repetitive. Vary your sentence structures and avoid redundancy to keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by addressing both sides of the argument, which is important for a well-rounded essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which is fundamental for a cohesive essay structure.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?