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Writing Samples
Band 5

Art classes,such as painting and drawing,are as importanrt to a child's development as other subjects,so it should be compulsory in high schools.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today modern's era,painting and drawing are
art
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lessons
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 that
also
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 play an important role in
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
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 study as other
subjects
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,so
students
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 have to learn these
subjects
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 in high
schools
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.
This
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 writer agrees with
this
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 statement and will explain during the essay. It must be understood that
art
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lessons
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 require
students
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 to have
a good brainstorming skills
Correct the article-noun agreement
good brainstorming skills
a good brainstorming skill
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also
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 like scientific objects.
In other words
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,to learn these
subjects
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,learners need to use
the
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apply
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plenty of grey matter and critical thinking a lot too.
Due to
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 the fact that these
lessons
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 require high creativity,high
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school's
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school
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 learner can boost their thinking skills and creativity a lot.
As a result
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,learners can learn better and more
effective
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effectively
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.Taking some high
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school's
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school
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students
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 who can play the piano as
a
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an
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 example,
according to
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 the study
last
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 year,it can be seen that they all studied really well at
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schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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 and their
strenght
Correct your spelling
strengths
 are
about
Change preposition
in
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 brainstorming skills.
Therefore
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,by their benefits,
students
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 need to be forced to learn these
subjects
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 at
schools
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.
Furthermore
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,participating in
art
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 classes helps high
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school's
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school
show examples
students
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 to become more patient.To be more specific,
art
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subjects
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 are quite difficult to study and we need to be patient to learn.Online some
subjects
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,just only applying the
fomula
Correct your spelling
formula
 to do the exercises,these
subjects
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 require
students
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 to spend time,
Correct word choice
and efforts
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efforts
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effort
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 and try their best,so they contribute a lot to
make
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apply
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the assistance of patience of high
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school's
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school
show examples
students
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.
For instance
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,VTV3 had an interview with some high
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school's
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school
show examples
 learners and
for
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apply
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about 96% of these
students
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 said that
most
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the most
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 patient friends they had met,
all
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apply
show examples
 were good at
art
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. In conclusion,the writer encourages the policy of putting
art
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lessons
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 as compulsory
subjects
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 in high
schools
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.
However
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,all the
students
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 need to balance their schedules and must not just focus on any
subjects
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.

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grammar
Consider reviewing sentence structure and grammar for better clarity and coherence. Some sentences are difficult to follow due to grammatical inaccuracies.
examples
Try to ensure that examples are explained more directly and clearly support your points. The example about students who play the piano could be more directly linked to the argument about brainstorming skills.
conclusion
Develop the conclusion a bit more. Summarize key points from the body paragraphs and restate your stance clearly.
stance
You have presented a clear stance on the topic and supported it with specific points, such as the need for creativity and the development of patience.
structure
The essay contains an introduction and a conclusion, and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
examples
The examples used, such as the study of piano students and the interview by VTV3, add interest and attempt to support the arguments made.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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